


set fire to my own damn bed

by cat (rileyfinns)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anyways, Neighbors, anywaaaaays, i still dont super know how the tagging system works, im really doing my best, is it necessary to tag both
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2019-05-23 22:15:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14942345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rileyfinns/pseuds/cat
Summary: When Erica was thirteen, she used to spy on her neighbor Scott and his friend Stiles, because she kind of had a thing for Stiles. She’s never told anybody, partially because it’s embarrassing and partially because she’s never really had anyone to tell.





	1. Chapter 1

When Erica was thirteen, she used to spy on her neighbor Scott and his friend Stiles, because she kind of had a thing for Stiles. She’s never told anybody, partially because it’s embarrassing and partially because she’s never really had anyone to tell.

(If she were to be entirely honest, checking up on them every once in a while also made her feel a little less lonely, but she isn’t very honest.)

The point is that she isn’t thirteen anymore. She hasn’t even really thought about Stiles since like, freshman year, alright, she’s sixteen now, she’s practically an adult, and she’s over crushes. She’s over most people and feelings in general, honestly.

It still feels like a failure, though, watching Stiles shimmy across the awning over Scott’s porch, trying to do god knows what. She’d heard a noise and thought that maybe someone was trying to break into Scott’s house, but of course that someone’s just Stiles. Of course it is.

She’s just about to swallow her pride and tell him to  _ get the fuck down  _ when, holy shit, he fucking  _ falls _ , getting his feet tangled up in something, and she yelps, and somewhere below her Scott yelps, and -

Honestly, this isn’t her problem. This is the farthest thing from her problem. She’s going to go back to bed because she has school tomorrow, they  _ all  _ do, not that that would be something that would matter to either of them.

(Not that that’s something that particularly matters to  _ her,  _ but it is an excuse to be upset, so she takes it.)

• • •

They both look exhausted and ragged the next day. Erica pretends not to notice. It’s not like they’ve ever noticed how she feels.

• • •

Scott and Stiles look exhausted and ragged all the time now. It’s hard to keep telling herself that she doesn’t care. When the Video She Does Not Like To Talk About went around, Scott had come by with homework she hadn’t asked him to get her and cookies she hadn’t asked his mom to make. When she ended up missing a whole week, he started bringing her the notes he could get his hands on and her homework. Her mom had mentioned something about him seeming worried and it was easy to dismiss at the time, deep in her wallowing and misery, but it’s getting harder to dismiss it now.

She hasn’t thought about that week in a really long time. She can’t stop thinking about it now.

Erica makes cookies that afternoon.

• • •

When she knocks on Scott’s door, he isn’t home, but his mom takes them and thanks her. 

Erica knows his mom. She always got different nurses at the ER, but ever since the McCalls moved in next door, it’s always Melissa. This brings Erica to two conclusions about her: she went out of her way for Erica and she’s on the clock more than she should be. 

Somehow, as exhausted as Melissa should be, she looks less weary than her son has been. Erica isn’t sure who that says something about.

• • •

A few days pass after she drops the cookies off. The first day, it stings a little bit, but Erica’s over it now. She is. She should have never expected anything from him. He’d never expected anything from her. God, she can’t even remember if she ever thanked him. Probably not.

They don’t really talk. He smiles at her in the halls (even though it seems to annoy Stiles to no end that he even acknowledges her - yeah, there’s a reason she’d stopped liking him) and tries his best to coax her into polite small talk when they check the mail at the same time and when mail gets delivered to the wrong house, she just puts it in his box, but Scott comes over  _ personally, _ hands it over to her mom or her, whoever answers the door. 

Oh, god, they have better friendships with each other’s  _ moms  _ than with each other.

So it’s just - it’s a little surprising, when the doorbell rings and her mom calls up that it’s for her and when she comes down her mom gives her this little coy smile and just  _ leaves  _ the room, like she’s giving Erica privacy with whoever’s at the door and, wow, alright, it’s  _ Scott. _

“Hi.” He greets, her empty tupperware in his hands, looking a little sheepish for reasons Erica refuses to think about.

“Hey.” She answers, slow, cautious, hating herself for it but unwilling to lower her guard.

“I just wanted to, uh, say thanks.” Scott says, holding the tupperware toward her now, a smile that almost looks genuine on his face. “For the cookies. It was so nice of you. I really appreciate it.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Erica feels like a fucking frightened stray cat, vulnerable and defenseless, rejecting any kind of affection even though she’s starved for it, and god, she can’t fucking - it’s so ridiculous. Everything feels like it’s in slow motion. It’s ridiculous. 

Forcing a grin, she takes back the tupperware. “I mean, you know, it’s - it was no big deal.”

“Well, it was to me.” He looks like he isn’t sure what to do with his hands, but he’s really beaming at her now, and it makes her more nervous than it has any right to.

“You just, uh - you kind of - you looked like shit.” She says finally, hoping her softening smile dulls the blow a little. “So. Thought I’d do something nice for your mom.”

Scott looks a little taken aback now, but to his credit, his expression snaps back quickly, even though his posture stiffens. “Oh! Oh. That’s - she shared them with me, so, I appreciate the gesture, too, is all.”

“Oh, no, they were - “ Erica winces, hands tightening around the container in her hand. “They were for. For you. I made them for you. I don’t know why I - sorry, that was a confusing thing for me to say, I don’t know why I deflected, but - yeah - I - I made them for you. Hope you enjoyed them. Don’t really bake that much, so, if they were bad, it’s the thought that counts, right?”

“Right.” He agrees easily. He hesitates, almost like he wants to say more, then takes a step back, pointing behind him with his thumb. “Well, I should be getting back. Thanks again.”

Erica has the door almost all the way closed when she jerks it back open before she can stop herself, calling out, “Wait!”

Scott is halfway to the sidewalk at this point, but he turns back around despite the stiffness in his shoulders, raising his eyebrows amicably. “Something wrong?”

“No! No. Sorry, I just - I wanted to - I should - thank you. I should thank you. So I’m thanking you.”

His eyebrows come together, creating this little triangle in the middle of his forehead, and it’s not  _ cute _ , necessarily, but it is a little endearing, and -

_ God _ . Shut the fuck  _ up. _

“You don’t have to thank me for giving back your tupperware.” He’s only half-joking.

“I’m not.” She swallows, uncomfortable, regretting everything. “I just… never thanked you for what you did. Before. You know. When… yeah. So. Thank you.”

Realization dawns on his face, and he’s suddenly more serious than she’s ever seen him, but he doesn’t look as tired as he usually does when he has that look on his face, so she hasn’t completely fucked up.

“You don’t have to thank me for that, either. I should have - honestly, I should have done more.”

There’s a lot Erica has to say to that, but she doesn’t say any of it, just nods and smiles and waves when he does and finally closes the door.

• • •

When she goes in the kitchen to deposit the container on the counter, her mother is actually _smirking_ at her.

Fighting a smile of her own, Erica says, “Don’t give me that look.”

Laughing behind the rim of her coffee cup, her mom says, “Honey, I love you, but I don’t think those cookies are the reason Scott stopped by. They were awful.”

“You snuck one?”

“And lived to regret it, yes.”

Having no good response, Erica only says, “I hate that you’re on a first name basis with him.”

She lifts her cup in acknowledgement, saying, “Noted.”

• • •

Scott is dating new girl Allison Argent. For completely unrelated reasons, Erica wants to hate her.

She’s just so obviously one of those naturally beautiful girls that things just  _ happen  _ to, like Lydia Martin deciding you’re her new best friend and Jackson Whittemore actually being decent to you - Jackson isn’t even all that decent to Lydia, his  _ girlfriend  _ \- and Scott McCall just tripping over his fucking  _ feet  _ to be your boyfriend and -

She’s happy for him. Scott is a good person and he deserves to be happy and him showing Erica basic human decency doesn’t give her any ownership over him, not that she even wants it, she doesn’t even care, she barely even knows who he is, she just - 

She wants to hate Allison Argent, is all, and it has nothing to do with Scott and everything to do with the fact that Allison is fundamentally unhateable.

Allison is in two of her classes - Chem with Harris, Econ with Finstock - and her lunch period and Erica has never seen her not smiling. Even when Lydia scolds her in Chem for smiling at Erica when they make eye contact. Once Lydia looks away, Allison even shares a look with Erica, like they’re friends sharing a joke. 

Later, Erica sees her and Scott in the hall, and they both smile at her.  She wants to hate them both.

• • •

There’s an animal attack at the school. It’s after hours, so no one should be there, except Scott, Stiles, Allison, Lydia, and Jackson all are. Erica figures they were doing something stupid out of a teen movie, like getting drunk in the gym or hooking up on the lacrosse field or something equally fucking stupid to die over.

She ignores the steadily growing pit of fear in her stomach. It’s a fluke. Animals aren’t going to attack the school. No one’s going to get hurt. She’s not going to get hurt. None of  _ them  _ even got hurt, for god’s sake, even though at least one security guard died.

(The fear is probably more due to her waning belief in the animal attack story more than anything else, but that’s ridiculous. There’s nothing else it could be. This is Beacon Hills. Nothing happened here before this and nothing will happen here again. It’s as comforting as it is smothering.)

• • •

Allison and Scott break up, then Jackson and Lydia. So, of course, what happens next is that Jackson and Allison gravitate toward each other, because why wouldn’t they. Erica wants to hate her again and refuses to think about why that might be. She also heard through the grapevine that Lydia and Scott made out in Coach’s office, and she wants to hate Scott and refuses to think about why.

Scott has been weird lately, anyway, so whatever. Maybe all of his newfound popularity and his new friends and his new co-captain position are finally getting to his head. Good riddance, if you ask her. Not that you did.

• • •

Erica overhears Scott and Stiles fighting next door and decidedly doesn’t care. She doesn’t want to hear it. She doesn’t want to know anything about anything going on with either of them.

She moves to her window to close it and she - she swears that she - she thinks that she - 

Did she just see Scott  _ jump out of his bedroom window?  _ And did - did he - god, he looked - 

Something looked wrong. He looked wrong. 

It’s not her business.

It isn’t.

It’s not her fucking problem.

It’s the farthest thing from her problem.

It isn’t her problem, but she finds herself walking over to Scott’s house anyway, if only to prove that her mind is playing tricks on her. She needs sleep. She’s delirious.

Just as she’s about to knock on Scott’s door, it swings open, and on the other side is Stiles, looking panicked and, now, a little annoyed.

“Is this… a bad time?” She asks, hesitant.

“What? No! No, of course not, uh, I’m just heading out, though, to pick Scott up at the store! He rode his bike there and had an asthma attack and now I’m heading out to pick him up, so I’m kind of a rush.”

“The closest store is, like, five miles away.” 

“Yeah! That’s why he had an asthma attack. I told him, too, I told him Scott, you know, I can just drive you, it’s always better to be safe than sorry, but you know Scott, he just needs his independence and to make decisions for himself and to ignore everything his well-meaning best friend says, so, yeah, I should head out.”

“You mentioned that.” Erica says, and she should just go back home, because she obviously didn’t see anything, and she would just go, except for that - “I thought that I just heard him shouting, though, like, maybe five minutes ago.”

Stiles blanches a little but, to his credit, manages to let out something akin to a laugh, waving her off and nearly hitting her in the process. “That was over my phone! My speaker phone has great quality. I’m gonna go pick up Scott now, as he desperately needs me and his inhaler, but this was a good talk, Erica!”

Erica doesn’t know Scott that well but she knows Melissa. Melissa’s mentions Scott’s asthma sometimes after Erica ends up in the ER after having a seizure and she could swear that Melissa has mentioned, at least once, how Scott never leaves the house without his inhaler.  
“Yeah.” She snarks to no one. Stiles moves so fast that he’s almost in his car by the time she gets her mouth open. “It was _great._ ”

• • •

Derek Hale gets arrested and then not and then there’s a school dance and Lydia dances with _Stiles_ , of all people, and, of course, Jackson and Allison go together but then, of course, Allison and Scott get back together and then Lydia gets put in the hospital and then Allison’s aunt dies and Lydia goes _missing_ and bad news just keeps breaking up the normalcy and everything feels grim all of the fucking time, _is_ so grim all of the fucking time and no one seems to even notice, to be paying attention, and Erica can’t _stop_ noticing or paying attention, not anymore.

She thinks that she might finally hate Scott McCall after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i know it's 2018 and teen wolf has 6 seasons and no one cares about characters that died in the beginning of the 3rd one but listen. i do bitch. almost 19 y/o me is doing everything young me wanted to do but wasn't powerful enough to. that's self care bitch  
> just so we're all in the Know: my general plan for this is to rewrite the series but with erica's role changed.. esp in regards to a scott/erica ship and also them living next door to each other. that all puts her a Lot more in the know. so probably the first two seasons will be pretty simple and then as it goes on things will change a lot more but u know what. it's fine. we're having fun. this is very experimental and entirely self indulgent so we'll see what happens!  
> i have no concrete plans for this and i don't think that people will really care enough abt this to have it be like participatory but listen.... the one to two people reading this.......... if u have a Vision..... if u have a ship u would like to see or a character u would like to die or not die (Know that i am almost definitely not going to kill allison. know this and Accept it. i won't kill boyd either if i can help it which i most likely can bc that was. how u say. stupid. anyways) let me know! hit me up in the comments! let's have some fun, strangers who also care about this rarepar for some reason! we're best friends now. love u. tell me ur thoughts and feelings and dreams  
> also!!! feel free to give me concrit about my pacing or let me know if you think i forgot something significant from this season or if you think my characterization is off or anything!!! obviously you don't have to but listen. i really would love for a large group of people to care about this but i really doubt that they will. there will MAYBE be two people who are here for this content specifically. we can have some interactive fun. thank u  
> i'll stop rambling now thank u for ur time


	2. Chapter 2

Erica doesn’t like Lydia Martin. She doesn’t. Lydia is mean and spiteful and cruel just for the sake of it, and just so incredibly plastic, like you could hang out with her every day for your entire lives and still never really know her. 

Worse than that, she’s so weirdly fucking spineless, snarky but always hiding behind Jackson, laughing at his jokes, laughing over his shoulder when he threw his gym shorts at Erica and said  _ in case you piss your pants again  _ and - 

She doesn’t like Lydia Martin. She always thought that if the day came where Lydia was an outcast, she would be happy.

She isn’t.

• • •

While the whole town was searching for Lydia, life had still gone on, and part of that was Erica being partnered up with Allison in Chem, which was only the second weirdest thing to happen in that class thus far, right after Jackson’s weird bloody nose. But now Lydia’s back and life is  _ really  _ going on, and now it’s Erica being left behind, and it’s fine, she’d known it would come, she’d never wished Lydia dead, so she was always coming back, so things were always going to go back to normal, and it’s fine. It’s whatever. It’s not like she and Allison were ever going to be best friends or, like, even friends, or anything more than temporary lab partners.

It’s so fucking fine.

• • •

She and Allison might be friends?

She doesn’t think they really are. She can’t really… comprehend the idea of whatever’s happening lasting, but it turns out they have gym together, too, and sometimes when Allison’s waiting for Lydia or Scott to finish getting changed, she’ll come over and talk to Erica, ask her about what she’s been up to, how her day is going, crack jokes about whatever had happened in their other classes.  Right now, Allison is in the middle of one, a rib about Harris giving Stiles another detention. 

(Allison’s smile is wide and blinding but there’s something tired in her eyes as she says it, and Erica wants to ask about that but doesn’t wanna risk overplaying her hand.)

Lydia comes over, nose scrunched up like she’s smelling something bad, touches Allison’s elbow and says, “C’mon, sweetheart.”

“One sec, Lydia.” Allison says it kindly but firmly, eyes still on Erica. “Would you - you don’t have to, but would you wanna come watch lacrosse practice with me and Lydia later? We could fill out our lab report.”

Erica hadn’t realized that they’d still be finishing the lab together. 

She almost gets stuck in a stare, eyes widening like a fish, but next to Allison, Lydia’s eyes are narrowing, and she just can’t fathom giving Lydia the satisfaction.

“Yeah.” Erica says, an almost-smirk curling at her mouth. “Yeah, I’ll meet you there.”

• • •

And she does. Lydia and Jackson exchange this look that makes her jaw lock when she gets there, but Allison gets up and hugs her and then pulls her down onto the bleachers next to her and Scott waves at her, bemused but happy, and Stiles even manages to mind his business and it’s just. It’s kind of nice.

They manage to get halfway through their lab report before Scott starts tackling everyone. 

When he tackles Danny, Lydia elbows Allison and demands, “What is he  _ doing? _ ”

Allison shrugs, her own eyebrows furrowing in concern, barely aware of anything but Scott. 

She’s so incredibly unhateable. It’s unfair. 

Against her better judgement, Erica tries, “There’s tackling in lacrosse, right?”

“Have you ever even been to a game?” Lydia is being condescending. She is always being condescending. Erica’s jaw locks again. 

Practice only gets worse.

• • •

“Isaac Lahey got arrested at school today.” Erica tells her mom conversationally over dinner, stuffing an entire strip of steak into her mouth. 

Wrinkling her nose and widening her eyes, her mother demands, “I’m sorry,  _ what? _ ”

“At lacrosse practice.” She just barely hides her smile, feeling a little like she’s gotten away with something. Her mom hates when she doesn’t cut up her food.  “His dad got like, brutally murdered, and he’s the main suspect, apparently.”

“God.” Her mom presses a hand to her chest, shaking her head. “That’s awful. One of your  _ classmates  _ \- god.”

“Yeah.” Erica nods easily, stuffing a whole stalk of asparagus in her mouth while her mom does the Mom Thing where she shakes her head while going about other activities. Presently, she’s cutting up her own steak while frowning. Erica continues with, “I don’t think he did it, though.”

“What makes you say that?”

“I don’t know.” She answers honestly. “Seems too awful, I guess.”

“People can surprise you.”

“Yeah.” She concedes, shrugging.

• • •

Erica has been avoiding Allison. She knows it’s kind of fucked up of her, but she’s also avoiding Scott and Stiles, if that helps, but they don’t really try to talk to her in general, so it’s a lot easier. She just avoids eye contact with Scott in the halls and he mostly gets the hint. It’s not as hard as dodging Allison.

Or, at least, it shouldn’t have been, but it’s Scott that ends up cornering her outside of gym.

“Hey.” He says, eyes harder than she’d expected but face still so soft.

“Hi. I have to get changed.” Erica raises her eyebrows expectantly. She’d move around him but there’d be a weird rejection that she doesn’t want to bother feeling if he doesn’t try to stop her again. Scott doesn’t seem like a guy that would stop her again.

“I know. I just need a second.” Scott insists gently. Erica doesn’t say anything, so Scott keeps talking, “Allison’s really - “

“Allison can talk to me herself.”

“No, she can’t. She’s embarrassed. I’m not even supposed to - she didn’t ask me to talk to you or anything, if that’s what you think, but she just…” Scott rubs the back of his neck, shrugging. “I don’t know, she likes you. She hasn’t really made any friends besides Lydia, because Lydia’s, you know,  _ Lydia,  _ and Allison thinks that maybe she scared you off at lacrosse practice.”

Erica fights to keep her face even. She is not scared of mean popular girls. She is not scared of their best friends. And she is absolutely not scared of their best friend’s boyfriend.

(It’s more specific than that, and she knows that, somewhere, distantly - Lydia isn’t any popular girl and Allison isn’t any best friend, and, god, fuck,  _ Scott -  _ Scott isn’t any best friend’s boyfriend. Fuck, Scott isn’t even just  _ Allison’s  _ boyfriend. Scott is…)

“I have to get changed.” Erica repeats so that she doesn’t say something she’ll regret, like  _ /Fuck Lydia/  _ or  _ /I don’t scare easy/  _ or  _ /Scott/ _ .

• • •

They’re rock climbing in gym. Allison and Scott go first, laughing, easy and effortless in a way it would never be for her, in a way that nothing could ever be for her, for so many fucking reasons, but mostly because she is absolutely Not Allowed on that wall. Her epilepsy wouldn’t let her. Her epilepsy doesn’t let her do a lot of things, like get too little sleep or get too stressed or drink or smoke weed or go anywhere with flashing lights or watch too much TV or play video games or be on anything with a screen for too long or eat unhealthily, not that it matters, because her meds make her bloat, and she can’t go off of those, either, and - 

She can’t climb the fucking wall, is the point. Finstock should be aware of that.

Finstock isn’t aware of that.

And it’s stupid, of course it’s so goddamn stupid, but he calls her name and Stiles’, and Stiles turns to her with this big dumb grin, and it’s stupid, but maybe... Look, okay, just - maybe she can do this. 

It would be too embarrassing to point out that she couldn't in front of everyone, anyway, so she might as well give it a shot. It might be okay. It's okay for everyone else, right, so maybe it'll be okay for her. It should just fucking be okay.

• • •

It isn’t okay. Erica makes it maybe halfway up the wall before she starts shaking and hyperventilating and tasting blood. Finstock says something dumb and Lydia says something condescending and Allison tells the coach she’s epileptic and Erica is lowered down to the mat. Erica is lowered in every way possible, head bowed and eyes tearing as she flees, because that’s what she’s doing, she’s fleeing, this is not an exit or a casual walk out, she is fleeing, because she’s prey and that’s what prey does. She will always be prey.

• • •

Erica wants to be a predator. Or, no, she just wants to be who she has always wanted to be. She just wants to be a fucking person, but she’s been denied that so long that any privilege is something she has to take for herself, something she grabs onto with both hands and pulls and pulls and pulls. 

She ties up her hair.

Suddenly she’s back in the hall with Scott before class, afraid and small and intimidated and resenting him for making her feel that way when he’s absolutely not trying to make her feel that way.

She grabs onto the first handhold.

Suddenly she’s at the lacrosse field with Lydia sneering while Allison smiles, both watching her, both waiting.

She climbs.

Suddenly she is back in the hallway with Jackson throwing his gym shorts at her.

She climbs.

Suddenly she’s thirteen and showing off for someone who isn’t watching.

She falls.

Suddenly, she’s in Scott’s arms.

• • •

Erica never wants to see Scott or Allison again. The way Allison's frantic hands had pushed Erica onto her side, the way she'd _clung_ to Scott's hand, the way he'd  _caught_ her -it was all too much. She never, ever, ever,  _ ever  _ wants to see - 

Scott. Again.

She opens her eyes and there he is, in the nurse’s office, staring down at her as she lays on the couch in the side room meant for all kinds of sick kids but usually occupied by her. 

No. That can’t be right. He can’t be there. She closes and reopens her eyes.

He’s still there.

“Hey, Erica, are you - “

She closes her eyes.

“Erica?”

She keeps them closed.

“Erica, please, this is important.”

She doesn’t care.

“ _ Erica -  _ “

“What, Scott?” She snaps, opening her eyes only to glare at him.

“I don’t - there’s not a lot of time before the nurses find out I’m in here - 

“ - yeah, how did you even  _ get  _ in here - “

“- so just - please listen to me, okay? If Derek Hale bothers you at - at the hospital, or anywhere, I guess, if you see him at the school - “

“ - isn’t he, like, twenty five - “

“ - just don’t listen to him, okay?”

“What? What would he even - “

“ _ Please,  _ Erica.” He says so earnestly her heart breaks a little. “I know that we haven’t talked that much, but I’ve - we’ve known each other forever, if you got hurt - if I couldn't - just... please. If you see him, tell him to leave you alone or - or hit him or yell for help or run away or _something_. Anything. Please.”

• • •

The nurse kicks Scott out before she can answer, which is fine, because she doesn’t know what she would say anyway.

Melissa McCall smooths her hair down at the hospital, reminds her to take her medicine, checks her eyes to make sure her reflexes are okay, then goes to leave her alone.

“Ms. McCall?” Erica calls before she can help it.

“Yeah, Erica?” Melissa smiles at her. Erica suddenly feels so fucking stupid. She can’t believe she let Scott’s babbling get to her.

“Can you call my mom?” She settles on asking, rather than trying to get her to stay.

“You underestimate me. Already did.” Melissa grins and leaves.

• • •

Derek Hale comes into her room. Erica kicks him in the shin when he touches her and shouts for security. He’s gone before they get there, but - 

His  _ eyes.  _

They were red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all writing's rough. so. season a chapter probably isn't gonna work out without me losing my mf mind. at least not for season 2 my girl is really in there so much i love her


	3. Chapter 3

Erica likes being right. She’s prideful and she likes the rush of winning, even if it’s something insubstantial, even if it’s something that just matters to herself. It can get… pretty bad. Her mom once had to make her delete all of the puzzle games off of her phone. It’d been for the best, not that that stopped it from completely  _ sucking.  _

She isn’t happy to be right about this, though. She’d known - she’d  _ felt  _ \- that something is off. Wrong. A piece had been fitted in where it didn’t belong and it’d fucked up the whole puzzle.

She doesn’t know what Derek is. She doesn’t want to know what Derek is. She knows that whatever Derek is, Scott is, and she absolutely fucking  _ doesn’t  _ want to know what Scott is. She doesn’t want to know anything about Scott.

• • •

Erica’s skipped almost every class today. She hadn’t wanted to be at school in general, honestly, but she just couldn’t fathom sitting through Chem or Econ or Gym or Lunch, with Allison trying to make idle chit chat or Stiles scrunching up his nose or Scott smiling at her. There’s something wrong with all of them. She knows that now. Maybe even Lydia, too, but she’s never once in her whole fucking life actually  _ wanted  _ to see Lydia, so that doesn’t matter as much.

(Lydia matters the most. Lydia, who had disappeared for days. Lydia, who had been found naked in the freezing cold. Lydia, who had come back to school without a scratch on her. Lydia, who had been formidable enough without being some kind of fucking monster. Lydia had to be the most terrifying one of them all.)

• • •

“Hey, Erica.” Scott says gently from somewhere behind her in the empty hall.

Erica curses. She’d been planning on skipping out before last period and killing time somewhere else until her mom came to pick her up. She’d been planning on doing this specifically to avoid running into anybody after school.

Maybe if she ignores him, he’ll just go away.

“Are you ignoring me?”

Yes. Go away.

“I’m not gonna go away, Erica.”

Fuck.

Erica closes her locker and turns around, crossing her arms and shifting her weight to her right side, trying to appear scary instead of scared, saying nothing. Raising her eyebrows. Challenging.

“I mean,” Scott adds, seeming to crack a little under the pressure, “obviously I’ll go away. I’m not - you’re not - I’m not threatening you or anything. I just wanna make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? Did Derek - “

“Why don’t you ask him?”

Scott winces, taking a half-step forward, unsure but clearly still undeterred. “Did he…” He steps even closer, suddenly very in Erica’s space, firmness and concern warring on his face. “Did he… do something to you?”

Taken off-guard by his sudden intensity, Erica stumbles back into the lockers, swallowing fear and revulsion at herself for being such a coward. Scott gives her a little more space, concern winning out, but still stays close.

“Erica, please.” He insists. “If he did something… if he, you know… Please. You have to tell me.”

“No!” She says finally, louder than she means to. He winces. She swallows. “I kicked him and shouted for security. Okay? He barely got to touch me.”

“He touched you?” Scott’s voice is low.

“What? Yeah. Barely. I guess. I don’t know. He touched my thighs and then I kicked him. It doesn’t matter. Why do you care?”

“Erica, of course it - “

“Okay, yes, of course it matters! It sucks that he cornered me, okay? I was in the hospital and I was vulnerable and he tried to take advantage of that and it sucks, but why do you  _ care,  _ Scott? We’re not friends! We’ve never  _ been  _ friends. We’ve, like, small talked, but aside from that, we’ve never really had a conversation, until recently, except even then not really! You just give me, like, weird, cryptic warnings, and try to get me to be friends with your girlfriend, and - we’re not friends! Okay? That’s all. We aren’t friends and there’s something seriously fucking wrong with Derek Hale and Beacon Hills and - and  _ you  _ \- and - and…”

Erica loses her train of thought, too on edge, too distracted by the soft, sad way Scott is  _ looking  _ at her, and she hates it. She hates him. There’s something wrong with him and there’s something wrong with her and there’s something - there’s something! There’s something. She just wants there to be nothing. She doesn’t want anything, ever, especially not from him.

“Okay.” Scott is talking so softly that she barely hears him. Her chest hurts so badly. “Okay. I’m sorry. You’re right. I just… I can’t tell you everything. I just need you to stay safe, okay? You don’t have to talk me. Ever. You don’t. But I’m going to do anything I can to protect you and I’m sorry that I can’t tell you what I’m protecting you from but I’m going to. That’s all you need to know.”

Her chest  _ hurts.  _ Her ribs are broken. Her lungs are punctured. She needs to get out of here.

• • •

Erica doesn’t really know Boyd, but they kind of know of each other, the same way she kind of knows Isaac Lahey. They occupy the same social space, completely and utterly losers. It’s a tether of sorts. Even though they don’t talk, they’re pretty aware of each other. The week after the Video She Does Not Like To Talk About had come out and everything had been the worst it’d ever been, Boyd had kept an eye on her. He’d never stepped in directly, but he’d walked with her sometimes, in an awkward silence, meeting the eyes of anyone who’d been staring at her.

She keeps track of him. She knows he isn’t sitting at his usual table in the lunchroom. When she looks around, she finds him with Scott, Allison, Stiles, and  _ Lydia _ , of all people.

• • •

People are dying again.

Erica had left her window open, acting like it had nothing to do with Scott and Stiles, even though she’d realized once she’d heard their voices that she’d been listening for them.

Stiles’s mechanic had been attacked by some kind of lizard creature. He had died. People are dying. No, people are being  _ murdered _ . By monsters. Monsters that Scott wants to stop, but is also maybe one of?

She needs to close the window. She needs to close the window. She needs to…

• • •

She blinks and suddenly she’s knocking on Scott’s door - pounding on it, actually. Hitting it with every ounce of strength in her. She’s surprised the wood doesn’t splinter beneath her fist. Maybe if she was whatever Scott is, it would. 

Scott opens in the door and manages to just stop her fist before it hits him, too, which is good. She’s pretty sure it’s good. She hadn’t meant to hit him, but that doesn’t mean that she wouldn’t like to.

Yes, it did. She doesn’t want to hurt Scott. Ever. She knows that much. The thought makes her sick.

Eyes wide, Scott says, “Erica… hi.”

Behind him, Stiles stares, equal parts surprised and annoyed. Him. Him, she could hurt.

“What the fuck is a lizard monster and why is it killing people?” Erica blurts, face contorting. She’s sure she looks crazy. She feels it, too. “I feel like I’m losing my fucking  _ mind.  _ What the  _ fuck  _ is going  _ on _ , Scott?”

• • •

To Stiles’s displeasure, Scott tells Erica everything. Derek Hale is from a family of werewolves. He’d been trying to turn her, Isaac, and Boyd into his pack, though he’d only succeeded in getting to Isaac. His family had been burned alive by a family of hunters. Allison is one of them, but only in name. Derek’s uncle, Peter, had bitten Scott. He’d also bitten Lydia. She isn’t a werewolf. They don’t know what she is. They don’t know who the lizard monster is, only that they have to stop it.

“By any means necessary.” Stiles says solemnly. Scott rolls his eyes and shakes his head, eyes remaining on Erica.

“He’s exaggerating. We won’t kill it.”

“Why not?” She asks bluntly. 

       Stiles looks surprised but pleased. Scott, wincing, looks decidedly not pleased.

“We’re not going to kill anything, Erica.” Scott tells her, shifting on the foot of his bed to get closer. She’s sitting in his swivel chair. She could move back, but she doesn’t. “We don’t hurt people if we don’t have to.”

“We?” She asks, raising her eyebrows skeptically.

“Me, Stiles, and Allison.” Scott amends, shifting back again.

“What about Lydia?”

“What about Lydia?” Stiles asks defensively, puffing out his chest.

“She’s something, right? You said it yourself. Derek’s fucked up uncle attacked her.”

“She isn’t anything. That we know of.” Scott cuts in. “We think she’s immune, maybe, but she’s not… anything.”

“But you’re a werewolf.”

“Yeah.” He grimaces.

“Can I see?”

Stiles’s jaw drops, but Scott only looks bemused.

“You wanna… see me shift?”

“Yeah. I mean, if that’s okay. I get that being a werewolf really sucks and all, but, like. When am I ever gonna get the chance to see that again? If you’re okay with showing me.”

Scott stares for a moment, then smiles a little, slow but sincere. Slowly, Scott sprouts fur, face transforming, and she’s reaching out before she realizes, awed. 

She stops her hand just before they meet his face. “Sorry. Would it be okay if I…?”

“Uh. Yeah.” Scott’s words come out awkwardly around his fangs. She tries not to laugh.

Gently, she feels the ridges of his forehead, the thicker patches of hair around his forehead and the sides of his face. 

“Can I touch one of your fangs? You can say no.”

Scott laughs, mostly just looking relieved. Carefully, he draws one of her fingers to the tips of one of his fangs.

“Cool.” She breathes.

“Are your hands even clean?” Stiles asks.

“Good point.” Erica says, not retracting her hand. Scott makes no move to make her. Stiles groans, frowning until Erica finally has her hands back to herself. 

For a moment, she’s content. It’s better than happy. She’s wholly at peace. She’s gotten over the hump with Scott. Even though there’s still work to do with Stiles, if she even decides to do it, she would call Scott a friend after this, and he would hopefully do the same. She knows what’s going on. She isn’t paranoid or crazy, even if the truth is actually crazier than the lie. She can talk to Allison again. Maybe she can even make friends with Boyd, now that they’re all hanging out. 

“What is it like?” Erica asks. “Being a werewolf.”

“Terrifying.” Scott answers automatically, looking suddenly serious. 

“Aside from the shitty parts.” She pushes. “It must be amazing, right? I mean, no offense, but I doubt you went from second line to team captain because of your own abilities.”

“How’d you know I was second line?” Scott asks. Erica definitely doesn’t blush. 

“Don’t avoid the question.”

“Being a werewolf, uh, enhanced some abilities. I don’t have to stop during practice to use my inhaler anymore, so that’s a plus, but it’s really not…”

Scott is still talking, but Erica has stopped listening, the reality of the situation sinking in. Scott doesn’t need his inhaler. 

The moment is over. 

“Your asthma’s gone.” She accuses. Scott looks surprised, most likely from the fact that she’d probably cut him off, but also probably from her tone. 

“What?” Scott, she can see on his face, has the pieces of the puzzle, but has not put it together yet. Stiles has. 

“Look, yeah, you’re right,” Stiles says, “but it’s not all miracle cure, okay? He’s been hunted. By Allison’s dad! And her psycho aunt! We’ve almost  _ died.  _ Mostly Scott, but still me, and I’m not even a werewolf, I’m just best friends with one. The danger that comes with entering this world doesn’t make the cure worth it.”

Stiles sounds reproachful, but the look on his face is almost concern. 

No. It’s pity. He pities her. Scott probably pities her, too. He’s probably only sharing this much with her because he knows what he’d taken away from her and feels guilty. 

God. She’s so stupid. She’s so fucking stupid. She’s so  _ fucking  _ stupid. She should’ve known better. They’ve lived next door to each other for years; why would he express express any interest in being friends with her now? With being anything with her now? It’s just guilt. It’s just pity. Same with Stiles. Scott’s just better at hiding it. Scott is just better at lying to himself. 

“You took that away from me.” Erica is standing now, hands fisted.  “I could’ve - my epilepsy would’ve been  _ gone  _ and I would’ve been - things would’ve been - you  _ stole _ that from me.” 

“Erica, please, stop shouting.” Scott urges. She hadn’t realized she’d been shouting, but it makes sense. “I was just trying to - “

“No!” She’s even louder now, looking for her jacket. “I didn’t ask you to do anything for me. Ever! Okay?! I never asked you to  _ save  _ me from a big bad werewolf or - or bring me notes or make me cookies or talk to me in the halls or get me to be friends with Allison or - or - you’re not obligated to me, Scott, okay?! Just because we’re neighbors! That doesn’t mean anything! We don’t know each other! You don’t get to make these decisions for me and I don’t need you to help me with anything! From now on, leave me the fuck alone!” 

She realizes that she doesn’t have a jacket. There’s no reason for her to still be here. Except there is, because Scott is reaching for her, trying to talk to her -

She doesn’t want to be reached. She doesn’t want to be talked to. 

(Yes, she does. Yes she does. That’s all she wants.)

“Don’t touch me! You know, don’t even fucking talk to me ever again. Tell Allison that, too.”

• • •

Erica is keeping her head down at school again. She had to go to class, but they’d all given her a wide berth, even Allison. She hadn’t been spared Allison’s or Scott’s puppy eyes, but she’d steadfastly ignored them.

One day down. Every single day until graduation to go. 

They’re sophomores. 

She’s gonna lose her mind. 

She just won’t go to lunch ever again. That’s avoidable. She’ll start brown bagging it and eating in the back corner of the library so that the librarian can’t yell at her. That works, right? 

… she’s already lost her mind, huh?

• • •

While Erica’s on her way to the library, Boyd falls into step with her. Erica ignores him, but Boyd doesn’t mind, walking in silence with her. Maybe he doesn’t even notice. They’ve never really spoken before now. Why would that change?

They’re almost at the library, right in the homestretch, just about to make it to the place where conversation dies, when - 

“Hey, Erica,” Boyd says gently, “you should come to the lunchroom. Get some food.”

“No.” She answers blandly, crossing the threshold. 

To her surprise, Boyd keeps walking with her. Then Boyd sits down with her. Boyd slides her half of his sandwich.

“Don’t you have anywhere better to be?” She bites her tongue to keep from elaborating and sounding too bitter. 

_ Wouldn’t you rather sit with Scott and his buddies,  _ she wants to say,  _ wouldn’t you rather get some face to face time in with Lydia Martin,  _ she wants to say, but she doesn’t. Boyd doesn’t deserve that. She doesn’t know him that well, but she knows he isn’t like that. He doesn’t want popularity or name recognition or anything else shallow like that. 

(Not like her. She ignores it, represses it, pretends it doesn’t exist, but she would give… anything, to just be  _ seen.  _ To be known as something other than the Girl Who Pissed Her Pants.)

Taking a bite of a sandwich, he says, “No.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> erica is an Angst Queen huh  
> anyways SO because this is from erica's pov and is becoming more about erica's like... personal arcs rather than the show overall the like... scene positions is becoming pretty funky?? i hope this was clear enough but this chapter pretty much takes place over the third and fourth episode of season 2 of teen wolf so like uhhh... given that the last chapter pretty much took place from the first to the third episode as well, i guess the pacing has changed enough that the first chapter is really just a prologue???  
> was any of this clear. its halloween. ive eaten so much of my sisters candy. happy halloween love y'all be well


	4. Chapter 4

Erica doesn’t want to be around Scott. Or Allison. Or Stiles. Or Lydia. But mostly Scott. Boyd doesn’t care about that, clearly, because he’d explicitly promised her that if she came to the lacrosse game with him, she wouldn’t have to be near any of them. They could sit in the backrow, away from them all.

When they get there, Boyd sits down right next to Lydia, who ignores him. Next to Lydia is Allison, though, and she smiles sunnily at him. Erica stiffens. She considers leaning down to whisper, but ultimately decides against it.

“You said that I wouldn’t have to be near your friends, Boyd.”

Allison winces. Erica’d been trying to hurt her, but it doesn’t make her feel as good as she’d thought it would.

“No. I just grunted. C’mon.” He says, tugging at her wrist. 

Alright. Fine.

• • •

“Maybe I should’ve brought a warmer jacket.” Allison says, looking sheepishly at her grandfather, because, yeah, he’s there, too. Why wouldn’t the school principal be sitting with them? Might as well complete the fucking weird anxiety nightmare Erica’s life has become.

Allison is clearly trying to get her grandfather’s coat. That doesn’t stop Boyd from shrugging off his hoodie, even as her grandfather is drapes his jacket over her shoulders.

Yup. Of course. It’s Allison.

• • •

The game is brutal in a way that doesn’t excite Erica. She likes violence, but brutality bores her. She likes the reasons. The passion. The rise of tension and decline in morals. She likes the drama, basically, and lacrosse has none. It’s boring. It’s painful, in more ways than one. 

So many players have gotten injured that Finstock is searching the crowd for a replacement. He points at Boyd immediately.

To Erica’s surprise, he stands, smiling - no, smirking. Boyd is  _ smirking. _

Also to her surprise, she puts a hand on his arm. When he looks down at her, she swallows. She doesn’t know what she wants to say. 

She settles on, “Is this a good idea?”

“Probably not.” He admits.

• • •

Erica hates lacrosse. While she and Boyd aren’t really… friends, per se, it’s a weird kind of terrifying, going from watching him keep to himself for years to watching him hurling himself into people, purposely trying to get hurt. She hates it.

(Boyd and Isaac are the closest things she’d had for friends since middle school. Isaac has always been a little shier, a little angrier, and far more restrained because of both of those things, slow to act, almost like he’s scared of himself. Or, well, that’s how he used to be, at least. But Boyd has always been more patient, more calculated, knowing when he should and shouldn’t involve himself. He’d stuck up for Isaac the same way he’d stuck up for Erica. They weren’t besties or anything, but they were something. It means something to her. It means more than she lets herself acknowledge.

(First, there’d been Isaac, suddenly so  _ mean  _ in a way that scares her, if only because Erica knows she would be the exact same way if Derek had succeeded in turning her. He’s a mirror. He’d always been a mirror. He’s a stranger now, in the sense that he is a version of herself that terrifies her. He is a stranger in that he’s so unpredictable now that it’s almost predictable. He’s a stranger. And now Boyd is turning into someone else. 

(She should be happy for Boyd, though. She should be. She wants to be, really, she does. Okay, she  _ almost  _ does. She’s trying so hard to want to be happy for him.)

• • •

She’s so busy watching Boyd that she misses it. In the second it takes for Erica to go from seeing Scott score to back to searching out Boyd, the world stops. The air stills. Everyone gasps and then goes silent. She’s trying to figure out what exactly had happened, eyes flitting back and forth desperately, when they land on Melissa McCall rushing the field.

No. No. No…

_ No.  _ She doesn’t care. This isn’t for her to care about. She likes Melissa, but this isn’t any of her business. She looks to her side, forgetting for a moment that Boyd isn’t there, and instead lands on Allison, staring at the field in horror, but not moving.

Oh. Oh. That’s right. Scott had said something about this the other night, too. He and Allison were broken up again, for all intents and purposes, because Allison’s grandpa is a fucking nightmare. In addition to being the school principal, he's also a werewolf hunter! A really fucked up one! It’s... weird, to say the least, reconciling reality with her personal reality. 

Erica is suddenly so angry. She hates knowing all of this. She hates caring about Allison. She hates that Lydia had left the stands earlier and that she wants to fill in for her, wants to make sure Allison’s okay, wants to reassure her that Scott’s fine. More than that, she hates that she wants to fill in for…

No. No, she doesn’t.

(Yes, she does. She wants to check on Scott. She wants go over there and she wants to fill whatever space Allison had left, wants to soothe him and touch him and have him smile softly at her despite his pain. She doesn’t know when that happened, or if it’d always been happening and she’d just missed it, and she’ll never, ever admit it to anyone else, but she isn’t jealous of Allison because she’s Allison. She’s jealous of Allison because she’s Scott’s, just like he’s her's. She’s jealous of Allison because everything Erica had ever wanted, Allison had gotten without trying. Popularity. Lydia’s friendship. Jackson’s validation. Stiles’s approval. Scott’s everything.)

She’s standing, now, but it’s too late. Whatever had happened has already been resolved. Allison and her grandpa had rushed the field and were now returning. The game is resuming.

(She is always, always, always too late.)

• • •

Erica is getting her things together, finally, blissfully, thankfully. She’s not even going to say goodbye to Boyd. She’s just gonna go home and she’s gonna eat dinner and she’s gonna maybe watch some TV before she goes to sleep and it’s gonna be  _ so  _ \- 

“It was nice seeing you, Erica!” Allison is saying, grabbing at her arm, smiling too brightly, even for her. “Hey, we’re having dinner at my house with Scott. Would you wanna come?”

She sure fucking wouldn’t. In fact, she’s not going to. She doesn’t owe Allison anything and she doesn’t need her pity invite.

If it’d just been a pity invite, Erica would say no. Except. There’s something in Allison’s eyes, in her drooping smile, in her raised eyebrows, that makes Erica think that she’s scared. She doesn’t know what her being there would do to alleviate that, but she doesn’t have it in her to turn Allison down when she’s fucking  _ looking  _ at her like that.

She’s still mad. She is. But Allison had been so nice to her for so long. Allison had tried so hard to be her friend. Allison maybe still thought of her as a friend, because why would she ask someone she thought of a stranger to help her? It just seems to cruel to say no.

So she says yes.

• • •

Erica wants to fucking go home so  _ bad.  _ Allison’s grandpa is good at acting like the sweet, dopey grandfather, but he’s overplayed his hand tonight, which makes sense. Scott and Allison are supposed to be afraid of him and Erica is supposed to be oblivious. She’s supposed to miss the intent behind the Romeo and Juliet exchange he’d had with Allison’s father. She wishes that she’d missed the intent.

Look, okay, she’s absolutely still upset with Scott, and she doesn’t really remember why she’d been upset with Allison, but she knows she still is. She’s still upset. Scott should have given her all of the information about Derek and being a werewolf before he’d decided for her. But she gets it a little more now. Erica is just a bystander and she’s scared of what could happen to her after tonight.

Oh!  _ There’s _ a reason to be mad at Allison. She’d dragged her into this.

Okay. Okay. She’s being a little ridiculous.

• • •

“Not that I’m not glad to be away from your grandpa, but  _ what are we doing up here _ ?” Erica hisses as Allison pulls her and Scott toward Gerard’s bedroom.

“We’re looking for a bestiary.” Allison whispers, pressing a finger to her mouth when Erica opens her mouth to ask another question. “Look, please, I’ll explain later, I promise. I just need you to keep watch right now, okay?”

“Is that why I’m here?”

“No, no, no, of course not. I mean. Okay, we can - we’ll talk about that later, too, okay?”

Erica grits her teeth. “Okay. Fine.”

• • •

Scott has to search the school and he gives an excuse that does not cover Erica, because, sure, why would it, so she and Allison sit back down to dinner with her family. That can and has killed werewolves. Of which Scott is one. So. That’s all great.

“So, Erica,” Allison’s grandpa smiles, leaning closer to her, “now that it’s just Allison’s friends here, why did Allison and Scott  _ really  _ break up?”

“ _ Dad -  _ “ Allison’s father starts, but her grandpa holds up a hand.

“We’re just gossiping, Chris. Don’t be so uptight.” He smiles at Erica and Allison again and rolls his eyes, as though they’re all sharing a joke.

“Uh. I don’t really know, Mr. Argent.” Erica shrugs, scratching the side of her neck.

“Oh, you can just call me Gerard. Come on, now, you have to know something. Otherwise, what kind of friend are you?”

“The kind that doesn’t know anything, I guess, Mr. Argent.” She smiles for the first time, almost challenging him to push her again, her heart pounding. She hopes he catches her double meaning the same way she’d caught his. She hopes he realizes she’d caught his double meaning.

• • •

Erica doesn’t want to approach Allison and Scott first. She’s waiting for them to. They haven’t yet.

Yeah. That seems right.

Okay, to be fair, Isaac Lahey is back in school now, so that could be pretty distracting. They have their hands full, with him, you know, walking sinisterly and leering vaguely threateningly.

• • •

Erica is trying very, very hard to focus in Econ, because her grades have been suffering due to the whole avoiding Scott and Allison thing, as well as the whole everything is terrifying so what’s the point thing. It turns out that the point is that, even if she might die randomly at any time, her mom still wants her to get good grades and go to college, and she loves her mom. So. She wants to care about school and she wants to focus and maybe even go away to college. Maybe even make her mom move with her.

None of that will happen, though, because she can’t focus. All she can think about is Scott. And why he isn’t talking to her. And why Allison isn’t talking to her. And if Allison isn’t telling her everything because Scott told her not to. And why Scott isn’t talking to  _ her,  _ but is talking to Jackson, right now, in front of her.

And then she abruptly stops thinking about Scott, because Lydia is scribbling nonsense on the board instead of answering Finstock’s questions. When Lydia turns around, the class laughs. Erica isn’t laughing. She hates that she doesn’t have it in her to laugh.

• • •

They’re doing a lab project in Chem, which leads to Erica awkwardly doing all the work with the random people she’s partnered with. It also leads to Isaac flirting with Lydia, and Scott shouting when Lydia goes to eat the candy Isaac’s made for them, so Erica guesses there’s some weird werewolf thing going on there. 

Lydia eats it. Nothing happens. Erica doesn't know why something would.

The bell rings. 

Erica’s candy is, unfortunately, a massive failure, because the person who started it completely fucked it up. As Isaac is passing her, he dips his finger into it, watching her as he pops it in his mouth. She can’t imagine that it tastes good, but to his credit, he keeps a straight face.

Alright. Well. That’s a weird development. But, at this point, sure. Why not. Why wouldn't Isaac Lahey, who is now a werewolf, try to flirt with her. Him flirting with her isn't even the weirdest part of that sentence. 

You know what, actually? It might be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey you know those three paragraphs that were in parentheses. i don't know if i did it properly. i was too lazy to google. grammar people please inform me... thank you


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise!!! here's 2 for 1!!! i wanted these two to be part of the same chapter but it just got... so long i felt like i had to chunk it up?? so here we goooooooo

Erica doesn’t know Derek Hale. Erica has no interest in knowing Derek Hale. Maybe that might have been different a year ago or, honestly, even a few months ago, but too many things have changed. This is important now, though, because he seems very interested in getting to know her.

Or, well, he seems very interested in Isaac Lahey getting to know her. When Scott had been telling her about everything the other night, it’d kind of come across like he and Derek aren’t great friends, and now she knows for sure that they aren’t. Scott absolutely hadn’t told Derek about filling her in, because Isaac keeps  _ hitting  _ on her, and it’s obviously not just for the enjoyment of hitting on her.

(She almost likes the attention, but her fear outweighs it just a little more. She never wants to be alone with him, or even just sat next to him in class, but everyone has been noticing that Isaac is pretty hot, and he’s paying all of this attention to  _ her,  _ in front of them, and it’s - she doesn’t like that it’s Isaac hitting on her, but she likes it in the abstract. A pretty boy anyone would want hitting on them in front of everyone. That part’s nice. She hates that it is, but it is.)

• • •

When Erica closes her locker door, Isaac is behind it, and she’s so deadened to the whole situation that she doesn’t even jump. He grins at her with all of his teeth, easing the books from her hands. She doesn’t like him or want him near her, but she’s so fucking annoyed with giving people the satisfaction of her fear. She won’t anymore.

“Hi, Isaac.” Erica says blandly, walking off, only 60% sure that he’ll even follow her. 

“Hey.” He says, casual, her books still under his arm. 

“What’s the point of this?”

“The point of… what, exactly?” He’s prodding her. Trying to figure out how she knows. She knows she shouldn’t say anything, but, fuck, she wants to say something. She wants him to know that she isn’t a fucking moron; even without it being confirmed by Scott, she would know something is off.

“The point of you following me around. I don’t want to be in Derek Hale’s pack, so you can tell him to fuck right off, alright? Gerard Argent is a fucking nightmare. I’ll pass.”

Isaac stops short. Erica tries to hide a smirk.

“I have Gym right now, but drop my books off in Chem, okay? Thanks, Isaac.”

• • •

Isaac gets her books back to her in Chem. Isaac spends most of the day trailing her, actually. Maybe he’s planning on killing her because she knows too much and, honestly, fucking whatever. Beacon Hills is a horror movie. If she isn’t dead by now, she doubts a sophomore who still hasn’t grown all the way into his growth spurt is going to be the thing to take her out.

• • •

Isaac leaves her alone to go to the bathroom, but winks at her and asks her to wait for him before he does.

She doesn’t wait, obviously.

She’s minding her business, walking down the hall, when Allison fucking  _ grabs  _ her, silently dragging her along.

“What the fuck, Allison? You don’t talk to me for - “

“No time to explain again. Sorry.” To her credit, Allison does sound genuinely sorry. She doesn’t sound as afraid as she did at the lacrosse game, however, even though she expects this is a similar situation, because that’s the only time she bothers with Erica now.

“ _ Erica?”  _ Jackson asks, disgusted, obviously not addressing her directly.

“ _ Jackson?”  _ Erica mimics. 

Lydia shoots her a nasty look. Stiles snickers.

“ _ Yes _ . It's both of you. Shut up.” Allison says it neutrally, but it’s clearly an order. 

Fine. She shuts up, but only because Jackson does, too.

• • •

“Why are we in Scott’s house without him here?” Erica asks, almost boredly.

“I hate to side with you, but I’m wondering the same thing, actually.” Lydia chirps, irritation clear in her narrowed eyes.

“Yeah, you didn’t really have to say that first part.”

“I know. I wanted to.” Lydia clarifies, smirking, looking at Erica like she’s a gnat.

“I’m gonna go home.”

“No!” Allison says as she hangs up on Scott. “No, you’re not. You have to stay here.”

“ _ Why?”  _ Lydia demands in her place.

“I hate to side with her, but I agree.” Erica smiles tightly. “I live right next door. What’s the risk?”

Lydia raises her eyebrows silently, at Erica and then at Allison and Stiles.

“The risk of failing! We have to study. Obviously. Like we said before.” Stiles rambles, only stopping because Allison steps on his foot, not as surreptitiously as she’d obviously been trying to be.

“So blocking off the door is gonna keep us from failing?” Erica pushes. She’s having a little fun now, getting a little thrill as Allison and Stiles both shoot her looks.

While it’s true that Erica doesn’t think that Lydia should be kept in the dark, which she’s clearly is, it’s  _ also  _ true that she likes knowing more than Lydia. And she likes Lydia knowing that. It’s a little mean, but Lydia is incredibly mean, so she doesn’t feel that bad.

“That was because of the break ins. And the murder. Like I  _ also  _ said earlier,  _ Erica _ .” Stiles enunciates like it’ll mean anything to her.

“I live next door, though, and I haven’t heard about any break ins or murders, so…”

“Well, it must be embarrassing that I’m more involved in your community than you are, Erica, but that's okay, we all have our faults.”

“Lydia, follow me.” Jackson says out of nowhere. 

Lydia just raises her eyebrows. 

“I have to talk to you about something. Do you really care whatever these losers have to say?”

“Do you really care whatever that loser has to say?” Erica retorts, eyes on Jackson but question directed toward Lydia. She might hate Lydia, but she hates Jackson even more.

(She hates his treatment of her, too. She tries to ignore it, but she knows the signs. Her mom has warned her enough about men like her father.)

It doesn’t help. Lydia sends her a pompous look before following Jackson up the stairs.

“You should go with them - okay, you should go upstairs, too, at least.” Allison amends, catching the look on Erica’s face.

“I’m good here.”

“You’re really not, though, is the thing.” Stiles snarks.

Erica lifts her eyebrows and sits right in the middle of Scott’s carpet.

• • •

Allison and Stiles are debating on the former calling her father, trying to dance around why and speak quietly enough for Erica not to hear.

“I’m not a child.” Erica says, maybe louder than she has to. They both jump and turn to her. She feels a little bad for startling them, but not bad enough to back down. “I know enough. I’m already in danger. You might as well just talk.”

Jiggling her leg, Allison concedes, “Okay. Okay. But we don’t have time to catch you up.”

“There’s  _ never _ time! There's never _going_ to be time. Give me the cliffnotes.”

“Derek and Isaac want to kill Lydia.” Allison sounds so afraid again, even though she’s trying to be brave.

“Oh.” Erica shrugs. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah, seems simple enough. Why aren’t we letting them?”

Stiles and Allison both narrow their eyes.

“I’m kidding! Kind of. Why are they trying to kill her?”

“Remember the lizard monster you found out about when you were eavesdropping?” Stiles is attempting to admonish her. 

She doesn’t care.

“The lizard monster I found out about when you guys were talking  _ way  _ too loudly about top secret werewolf stuff? Yeah, I remember.”

“It’s called a kanima, it’s killing people, they think it’s Lydia, we don’t think Lydia’s evil enough to be it.”

“It has a master.” Allison adds. “It doesn’t act of its own free will. It could be anyone.”

“Why do they think it’s Lydia?”

“Isaac put the kanima’s venom onto the rock candy in Chem and fed it to her. It’s a paralytic - oh, that means - “

“I know what it means, Allison.”

“It didn’t paralyze her. You know what that means?” Stiles snaps.

“That she’s the kanima?”

“No! That she’s immune.”

“It doesn’t seem likely.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Allison interrupts, cutting in just as Stiles is trying to speak. He quiets.

(God, she can even make  _ Stiles  _ shut up.)

“She’s our friend.” Allison continues. “She’s not doing this by herself. She doesn’t deserve to die. Derek trying to kill her isn’t right.”

For all of her bravado, Erica knows that. They don’t get to decide who lives and dies. They don’t get to  _ die.  _ They’re teenagers. They’re sophomores! Being a heinous bitch doesn’t mean that Lydia should die. Being used to do someone else’s dirty work doesn’t mean that Lydia should die. 

“We should just shoot one of them.” Stiles offers, suddenly. He plows on, despite the shocked stare Allison gives him. “We told Scott we can protect ourselves, so let’s do it. They don’t think we’ll fight. We hit one, they both leave, I’m positive. This has taken too long and we’re running out of time to make a move. So just try it, okay?”

• • •

It’s a decent plan, but everything happens too fast. 

Isaac is inside, finally, walking around Erica like he doesn’t even know she’s there, and she would almost believe that he would, except he walks around her so carefully. She’s sitting directly between him and Allison and Stiles. He sidesteps her and then grabs Allison, wrenching her away from the window but also away from Erica, like he’s trying to keep her out of the scuffle.

He goes for Stiles next, throwing him onto the floor, eyes yellow and fangs out, and Erica doesn’t know why she does it, but she’s on the floor in front of Stiles, suddenly, staring at Isaac. Brown meeting gold. Both of them challenging and pleading at once.

He hesitates. It’s enough time for Allison to shoot him.

“No!” Erica shouts, throwing herself in front of Isaac now. She can’t stomach how betrayed he’d looked. She can’t stomach the blood. She wants to throw up. 

“Get out of the way, Erica.” Allison’s voice is shaking.

“What the _fuck_ , Allison?! How could you - _how_ \- oh, _god_.” Erica is yanking off her sweatshirt, leaving her in a sports bra, turning around to face Isaac and do - something. She doesn’t know what. She knows that she shouldn’t pull the arrow out, but there’s so much _blood_ ; she has to stop it somehow; she doesn’t know _how,_ but she _has_ to -

“Erica, get away from him!” Stiles is shouting at her now.

How fucking dare he? How does he think he has the  _ right?  _ For  _ years,  _ he didn’t notice her - no, he did, he just  _ ignored  _ her, actually! There’d just been her, and Isaac, and Boyd, and it hadn’t even been her and Isaac and Boyd, they’d all been separate units, but they’d just - they were just - 

Nothing. They were nothing, but they were more than she had ever been with Stiles. With Allison, too, if she’s capable of this. Erica can’t even imagine how much hatred is in her own eyes, but they land on Stiles for only a second before they’re back on Isaac.

Isaac. _Isaac_ is dying.

Erica tries to break the crossbow bolt, but Allison’s are metal, and as she’s considering what to do next, Isaac fucking  _ yanks  _ it out of his chest - 

“No!” She screams again, pressing her sweatshirt against his chest, because he’s about to bleed out, and his blood is already all over everything, staining her jeans and her skin, and - 

He pulls the sweatshirt off, sitting up. He isn’t bleeding anymore. He isn’t trying to stand. He’s too busy looking at her.

“What are you  _ doing  _ here?” He demands.

“We’re protecting her from you!” Stiles shouts abruptly. “At least, we thought we were!”

“You two know each other?” Allison sounds so betrayed.

“Of course they do! Derek got to them at the same time! There had to be a reason he didn’t turn her! She’s a spy!”

“No, I’m not!” Erica is just as loud, completely incredulous. There’s just no fucking way.

When she turns to look at Allison, she’s looking at Erica like she doesn’t know her, which is so unfair, because Erica is supposed to be the one that gets to be upset. Allison is the one who keeps dragging her into shit without explaining and Allison is the one who shot Isaac and Allison is the one who owns a fucking crossbow in the first place, seriously, what the fuck, and now  _ Allison  _ is the one looking at Erica like _she’s_  the monster.

“Of course you are! It makes perfect sense!”

Isaac grits his teeth and gets up, readying himself to attack Stiles again. Erica grabs the bottom of his pants in some sort of attempt to hold him back.

“You can stop pretending you're with us, Erica! We know what you are!”

“FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME, STILINSKI, I’M NOT A SPY!”

“She’s not.” Derek Hale’s voice is suddenly behind her.

Everything goes black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what's UP we're into 10k+ now babey   
> so this part of the chapter had uh. a lot of stuff. and also not a lot of stuff? honestly this really got away from me and i wrote it like. right now. but i don't have self control so Here It Is  
> also i'm about to ramble so prepare for that  
> this chapter is probably... the most different so far i would say?? bc this was kind of a Key interaction in this alternate world you know!! erica being there but on the other side changes a lot because (as i've probably said too many times) erica and isaac and boyd didn't have a stiles like scott did you know?? they were just... losers.... and there's an inherent solidarity in that you know?? and there's a little... exaggeration and inflated importance of that solidarity i think for all of them because they don't have anything tangible with anyone!! they just have this Idea of each other!! and while isaac has derek now i think that's a lot to let go of when you've been holding onto it for so long??   
> and it's also like... isaac and boyd and erica didn't have anyone at the school they cared about, so obviously they didn't care about hurting anyone, but erica ///is/// someone isaac cares about, so that also changes the level of restraint he would show, because isaac i think naturally becomes less... violent and chaotic as time goes by and he gets used to this new life, but he's also very much grounded by having someone like scott in his life, and. look. erica isn't scott. erica can't do the same thing for isaac that scott can. but i think that's still evidence that people can be a grounding force for isaac he's just never HAD people you know!! like he had boyd and erica (and you could argue derek but i........ wouldn't................... at least not at this point) but he had them at packmates who could handle themselves and were just as dedicated to Fucking Shit Up (even boyd who settles into the Calm role was SO down to fuck up scott and fuck up stuff on the lacrosse field)  
> also i think that isaac is... very much afraid of hurting people he cares about??? and i dont even think he wants to cause people pain in general honestly i think a lot of it was just the Rush of Power and the Ability and figuring out that like Yes You Can But Should You?? you know like i dont think isaac likes hurting people its just like. how he knows to deal with things. which. yikes. but anyways yeah you see in s3 that he was so upset when he hurt allison by accident and that he was so upset abt braeden (who he barely knew but obviously she saved his life) getting hurt that he fucked up aiden and ethan and like. yeah. so i dont think that isaac would want erica to get hurt and that obviously would throw him off and yeah. im talking a lot. thank you for your attention  
> ANYWAY if you got this far or even if you didnt and youre just reading this part feedback is obviously welcome!!! please weigh in on my characterizations in this chapter because it was. rough. thank you. its 6:38 am


	6. Chapter 6

“... shouldn’t be talking about this here.” Is the first thing Erica hears when she regains consciousness.

“We have to talk about it somewhere -” Whiny.

“Not here.” Firmly.

Erica groans. Her head  _ hurts.  _ The talking isn’t helping, but thankfully, that seems to have stopped.

“She’s waking up.”

Okay. Maybe not.

• • •

The talking is never going to _stop_.

Stiles keeps questioning and Scott keeps trying to play referee in between his bouts of guilty silence and Erica’s head is  _ pounding.  _  She thinks it’s going to fucking explode.

“What are you all doing in here?” Melissa is, blessedly, back to check on Erica. She also looks as annoyed as Erica feels. “Everyone out. Shoo!”

Stiles doesn’t put up much fight, looking relieved for the reprieve. Scott lingers, looking like he wants to tell her something.

“That means you too, mister.” Melissa pushes.

Scott bounces on his toes, antsy, before he finally says, “We’ll talk later, okay?”

Erica is purposely not looking at him, but she’s still so  _ aware  _ of him, carefully watching him in her peripherals, catching the way his hands fist. God. God. This is so fucked up. Everything is so fucked up. Derek Hale had knocked her  _ out.  _ Allison had  _ shot Isaac.  _ Stiles had _told her to_! And Scott - 

Scott hadn’t been there.

• • •

It takes forever to finally get Melissa to leave. She spends so much time needling Erica, trying to get the real story out of her, and Erica keeps insisting that she’d had a particularly bad seizure earlier and smashed her head on Melissa’s living room floor while studying with Allison, Stiles, Lydia, and Jackson.

She would say that she doesn’t know why she’s lying for them, but she does. She knows exactly why. And she knows exactly how pathetic it is.

Isaac and Boyd were not her friends. Allison and Scott are not her friends now. But it doesn’t matter, because they’re the closest thing she has, and she will not let anything bad happen to any of the four of them, if she could help it. Even if Allison and Scott were probably pretty set on hurting Isaac. 

At least Boyd should be safe.

• • •

Erica’s mom couldn’t get off of work immediately, but she gets there an hour or so later to check her out and take her home. No one is in the waiting room. It shouldn’t hurt as much as it does.

• • •

Erica is resigning herself to being left out again. To no answers. Scott is not coming to talk to her later. He and Allison will never explain themselves, because there will never be time to explain themselves, and Erica will never fit into their schedules. 

She might’ve, once, which makes it all the more bitter, but she won’t now, and she knows that, which is why she’s busy depression-bingewatching a trashy teen show when someone knocks on her window.  Which is why she knows it can’t possibly be Scott. Which is why she knows it can be no one good.

Her curtains are thick and closed, so it’s safe to move quietly, sliding carefully out from underneath her blankets to hide behind her bed, considering her options. 

She can’t leave. She can’t put her mom in danger. Whoever is at her window cannot go past her room, which means she’s stuck in there as well, a first and last line of defense.

She doesn’t have any weapons. No knives. No bats. 

No crossbows. No claws.

She has a lamp, but it’s a present from her grandma, who would never let her hear the end of it if she broke it. She’d rather get mauled by a werewolf than face her grandma’s passive aggression.

She has a desk chair. That’ll have to do. 

She crawls across the floor, staying beneath the line of the windowsill, to get to her desk. She grabs the leg of the wooden chair and slowly pulls it toward the wall with her, only straightening up when her back is pressed up against it. She grabs the back of the chair now, forcing herself to keep her eyes open, willing her nerves to go way.

She can handle this. She has to handle this. Nothing is going to hurt her mom.

She reaches out and tears the curtain open, then throws herself in front of it, wielding the chair, daring whoever is there to try to come in, and - 

Oh. 

It’s Scott.

• • •

Scott teases her for a good few minutes, smiling the whole time, before she finally gets him to get back to the point. 

(He stops smiling. She almost regrets it.)

“I’m sorry that I wasn’t there,” Is the first thing he says, guilt plain on his face, the same way it’d been on the hospital. It makes her nauseous.

“Shut up about that already,” She insists, nudging his knee gently with hers, both of their backs pressed against the frame of her bed, her bare calves against the soft carpet of her floor. “I don’t care. I’m fine.”

“But if you  _ weren’t…  _ and it was _my_ fault… Erica, I couldn’t -”

“Derek’s fault. It was Derek’s fault. Derek’s the one that - you know what, actually? I don’t really know what he did. I’m just assuming he hit me.”

Scott looks startled, as though just remember there’s a lot Erica’s missed. “Oh, god. We never caught you up.”

“Nope.”

“Okay. Let’s get you caught up.”

• • •

Scott is so impossibly patient, detailing everything that’s been going down and answering whatever questions she has.

Gerard Argent has a bestiary, which is a book of supernatural creatures. They need the bestiary. They were trying to get it at the game, and then at Allison’s house, which is what he and Allison were looking for while Erica stood watch, and what he left to look for after. The lizard creature is actually called a kanima, and it had attacked Stiles and Derek during the game, which led Stiles having to save Derek’s life, which scored them very few points, as Erica could probably tell. After Scott pulled them out of the pool and got the bestiary, he went to the hospital to pick up his mom, where he was promptly stabbed by Gerard.

Isaac’s name was cleared because he’d forced Jackson to recant his testimony, which is one decision Erica enthusiastically supports. During lab, Isaac had been trying to get partnered with Lydia, in order to test to see if she’s the kanima by putting its venom on the candy to see if it affected her. It didn’t. Which meant Isaac and Derek would kill her. Even though Scott tried to convince them both that Lydia could be immune and that she’d passed it onto Jackson, because both of them had been bitten and neither of them had taken to it, as far as they knew. Which is why Allison, Jackson, and Stiles had been rushing to get Lydia out of the school.

• • •

Scott pauses there to ask, “What’s up with you and Isaac, anyway? Allison told me that she grabbed you, too, because he seems really… interested in you. And that when she shot him, you freaked out.”

“Because she shot him! In the chest! With an arrow! I thought he was going to  _ die! _ ”

“So you aren’t… friends?”

Erica rolls her eyes. “I’m _really_ not a spy for Derek, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“It’s not.”

Erica freezes, looking at her hands instead of him. 

He isn’t jealous. He doesn’t care if Isaac is into her. He’s just worried because they’re neighbors and maybe-sorta-friends. 

“Isaac is a loser. I’m a loser. It means something. No one cares if he dies but me -- and Boyd, I guess. Or he did, before you guys started hanging out with him.”

“He still cares. We gave him an update, too, and he hasn’t talked to Allison since he found out she shot Isaac.”

“Well, good.”

“She was only trying to protect you guys.”

“She was trying to protect Lydia.”

“ _ And  _ you. She made you come along because she was trying to protect _you_.”

Erica just shrugs. 

(Scott saying it makes it sound believable. She doesn’t want to believe it. It’ll hurt too bad if turns out not to be true.)

“Still…” Scott hesitates, then continues, “I know he’s been… hitting on you and I just wanna make sure you’re not in danger.”

“If Isaac was going to hurt me, he would’ve at your house.” Erica says firmly. “I don’t love how he’s acting, obviously, but he’s not… I know he isn’t going to hurt me.”

“Derek might make him.”

Erica’s anger flares at the mention of him. “If Derek hurts Isaac, I’ll kill him.”

Scott is taken aback. “Erica, you can’t just…”

“Look, it sucks that Isaac’s dad died, but Isaac just got away from one person that was hurting him. If Derek is hurting Isaac, I’ll hurt him back.”

Scott sits there for a moment, digesting that. “Well. I don’t condone… murder, but… I get it. Listen, though, you should… wait for this to blow over before you pursue anything with Isaac. It’s not safe right now. It’ll never be safe, but it’ll be safer soon.”

“Yeah? How do you know that?”

“Because I’m going to make it safer.” Scott sounds so sure of himself that Erica is, too.

• • •

Scott continues.

He was supposed to meet them all at his house, but he’d been held up by Finstock. By the time he’d gotten there, Stiles was waiting with Erica for an ambulance, because Derek had gotten her really good in the back of the heard. Derek was long gone. Allison was, too, because she had to take a hysterical Lydia home, and so was Jackson, because he's the kanima.

• • •

“And that’s about it.” Scott concludes, shifting his weight against the wood of Erica's bed at his back.

“Oh. Cool. I was worried it would be complicated and terrifying. Glad that’s it.” Erica scoffs.  Scott laughs. 

(It makes her feel so suddenly shy, embarrassed at how pleased his approval makes her.)

“I really hate that you’re involved in this.” Scott says after a beat, looking over at her with unfairly soft eyes.

“Yeah, well.” Erica shrugs, staring at where her knees rest against her chest. “You don’t have to worry. I’m not your problem.”

“You’re not.” Scott agrees. “You’re my friend.”

“You don’t have to -- we aren’t friends.”

“I wish you would stop saying that.” He says, exasperated. “We used to play together all the time when we were younger. You were my first friend, actually.”

“And then you met Stiles in kindergarten.” Erica shrugs. “It’s fine. I’m not a baby. People grow apart. We were kids.”

“People grow together, too.” He’s still looking at her. 

She looks back at him.

He’s so close.

She swallows.

“Yeah,” Is all she says, mouth dry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now THAT'S what i call a filler but like. necessary filler. we'll get back to the regularly scheduled rewrite next chapter i just needed to infodump and also i deserved to write bonding. thank you


	7. Chapter 7

_ Scott: someone bought me a drink :))) _

_ Boyd: I would buy you a drink. _

_ Scott: thanks buddy!! _

_ Stiles: would you buy me a drink? _

_ Boyd: No. _

_ Stiles: >:( _

_ Boyd: :) _

_ Stiles: is that an indication that you were joking and would, in fact, buy me a drink? _

_ Boyd: No. That’s me smiling at your pain. _

_ Allison: i’d buy you a drink stiles _

_ Stiles: i’m glad SOMEONE loves me. _

_ Scott: i would buy you a drink!!! _

_ Stiles: AND YET YOU HAVEN’T _

_ Scott: the bartender didn’t take our ids!! we can share my drinks!!! _

_ Boyd: Drinks? _

_ Scott: :) _

_ Stiles: yeah, just rub that salt in the wound, buddy. _

_ Allison: i wouldn’t buy you more than one drink fyi _

_ Stiles: YEAH JUST KEEP RUBBING THE SALT IN GUYS FEELS GREAT _

_ Boyd: I’d buy Scott multiple drinks. _

_ Allison: that goes without saying _

_ Stiles: THANKS GUYS LAST TIME I COME TO YOU FOR COMFORT _

_ Boyd: Promise? _

• • •

_ Scott: danny is dancing with a new guy i’m so happy for him _

_ Boyd: Aren’t you supposed to be looking for the kanima? _

_ Scott: i can multitask!!! _

_ Stiles: when will danny dance with me. _

_ Allison: is that something you want _

_ Stiles: an offer would be nice is all! _

_ Scott: stiles buddy we can work through your sexuality crisis later _

_ Stiles: it’s not a crisis! i’m bi and suffering _

_ Scott: you suffering is the crisis!!! _

_ Stiles: i’m sorry that we aren’t all bi and thriving like you and allison!!!! _

_ Boyd: I’m pan and suffering. _

_ Stiles: are any of us straight? _

_ Erica: nope. gayest generation yet. don’t you read the news??? _

_ Scott: erica!!! _

_ Allison: HI ERICA _

_ Erica: that’s all i had to say. bye.  _

_ Boyd: Bye. _

_ Allison: NO COME BACK _

• • •

_ Stiles: some updates. _

_ Stiles: jackson really fucked up this gay club. unsure if that’s a hate crime.  _

_ Stiles: derek showed up and fought him. _

_ Stiles: jackson disappeared and we found him by danny’s car. _

_ Stiles: danny was paralyzed but he’s fine. _

_ Stiles: we put jackson in the jeep. my dad showed up. i tried to distract him by coming out to him as kind of a two birds one stone thing and he told me that i had to be straight because i dress bad. which was great. _

_ Stiles: my dad called me out for lying but then i lied to him again and threw him off the trail. also great. _

_ Stiles: jackson started coming to and scott punched him so hard in the face to put him back out. that one actually was great. _

_ Stiles: and i realized that the most action i’ve ever gotten is when i held derek up in the pool that one time. _

_ Erica: derek is too old for you. _

_ Stiles: i know! i’m just saying. _

_ Erica: also too hot. _

_ Stiles: is this the thanks i get for staying with you while you were injured? _

_ Erica: yes. _

_ Erica: you should have let me die when you had the chance. _

_ Stiles: i have some regrets. _

• • •

Scott had added Erica to a group chat with Stiles, Allison, and Boyd, because they were the only ones in the know. It’s been kind of nice. She only really talks in it to make fun of Stiles, but still. Even that’s nice. He’s almost tolerable.

She hasn’t forgotten what Allison did to Isaac, the same way she’s sure Boyd hasn’t, but Isaac has been… worse. Angrier. Untethered. He got suspended and kicked off the lacrosse team for picking fights with his teammates. Not minor ones, either. Broken bones.

Erica wants to talk to him but she’s not sure how. She doesn’t want him to be a threat that has to be put down, but he’s getting close to that territory, and she hates it. She hates Derek Hale. She could kill him.

• • •

_ Stiles: another update. _

_ Stiles: we definitely did not kidnap jackson. _

_ Stiles: and we absolutely don’t need allison’s help. _

_ Allison: busy with gerard be there asap _

_ Boyd: I could come help. _

_ Scott: no!! don’t worry you guys shouldn’t get involved _

_ Boyd: It’s just an extra set of eyes. I won’t do anything stupid. _

• • •

Erica hesitates.

• • •

_ Erica: two sets of eyes, if you want. _

_ Allison: as long as they stay out of trouble it might be a good idea to have them watch the perimeter _

_ Allison: but i dont know how good an idea it is to have them around jackson right now _

_ Scott: i don’t know……………. _

_ Stiles: i do. i’m tired of making sandwich runs. come do the grunt work, interns. _

•• •

Erica’s mom took the bus to work today because they didn’t have the money to put gas in the car right now, which sucks, but also means that Erica can take the car, as long as she can get gas money.

Boyd had agreed to supply gas money.

So here she is now, idling in front of Boyd’s house, purposely avoiding the group chat. She doesn’t want to get to used to having it, is all. Just in case everything falls apart again.

( _ People grow together.  _ Scott had said that. She is trying to believe it. She really is. But in her experience, she is not one of those people. She is a person that gets left behind, mid-growth, only discovering her roots had actually just been tangling around themselves when everyone else had left her behind.)

“Hey,” Boyd greets.

“Hi,” Erica returns, pressing on the pedal before he even has his door closed.

• • •

“You’re kind of a bad driver,” Boyd notes, interrupting their minutes-long silence as they roll into the preserve.

Erica shrugs, focusing on not hitting a tree. “Yeah, kinda.”

“How did you get your license?”

“So, here’s the funny thing about that. I didn’t.”

“... What?”

“I have my permit!”

“... Alright.”

• • •

Scott doesn’t realize the car is theirs, at first, and Erica sees the tense lines of his body, sees the way he’s getting ready for a fight. It looks exhausting.

(It looks familiar.)

Erica honks the horn and waves, parking the car in the middle of a trail.

“You probably shouldn’t leave the car right here,” Boyd points out.

“I think that’s probably the least of our problems right now.”

“Fair.”

“Hey!” Erica calls as she gets out of her car, taking even, purposeful strides toward Scott, feeling in control. 

She’s here to help. She’s capable. She’s going to help him. She’s going to project confidence, because she feels confident, because she  _ is  _ confident - 

“Erica? The seatbelt is stuck,” Boyd says. 

Okay. She’s not confident. She’s very embarrassed, ducking her head and scrambling back toward the car to help Boyd out.

“Sorry,” She apologizes, opening his door and leaning over him to unclick the belt. “That just… “

The belt releases with no problem. When she looks up, Boyd is smirking.

“Oh my god. You’re the worst.”

“I’m sorry,” Boyd says, shoulders shaking as he chuckles, looking decidedly not sorry. “It was for your own good. You looked like you came out of one of those  _ on the way to steal your man  _ memes.”

“ _ Shut up!”  _ Erica hisses, pinching his thigh. His shoulders shake even more. “I didn’t even know you knew what a meme  _ was. _ ”

• • •

It’s going as well as something like this could. Stiles does most of the talking to Jackson, while Scott listens in, and Erica and Boyd keep an eye on their surroundings. In the in between moments, they fall into casual conversation. This isn’t really how… Erica pictured being in a friend group being like, but she likes it. She’s content. Even though Boyd has clearly already figured out how crush on Scott and won’t stop giving her these smug looks. 

(Really, even that is nice. Having a crush on a boy she knows would never purposely hurt her. Having a friend who knows her well enough to tell.)

And then Allison shows up.

“They know Jackson’s missing!” She tells them, panicked.

That’s when all hell breaks loose.

While Stiles is checking the police scanner to see how fucked they all are, Scott and Allison herd Boyd and Erica back toward her mom’s car, promising to keep them updated.

“I’m gonna catch up with you later, if I have time, okay? If I can’t come to your house, I’ll call. So don’t worry about anything. Just go home.” Allison says, opening Erica’s door for her, then shutting it as she gets in. Hands on the window, she pushes, “Please. Just go home.”

As Erica is reaching behind the wheel to flick the car into reverse, she catches sight of Scott through the windshield. As though feeling her eyes on him, he stops to look at her, so guiltily. She swallows.

“Erica! Go!” Allison shouts, smacking the window.

Erica goes, but not before seeing Allison and Scott share a quick kiss before Scott darts off to take care of something else.

• • •

“I really am the _on the way to steal your man_ meme. I’m the worst person alive.” Erica gripes, driving aimlessly.

“Don’t be melodramatic. You’re not even the worst person in this town,” Boyd reminds, rolling his eyes. “Argents. Derek.”

“Okay, I’m the worst non-evil, power-hungry weirdo alive.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“Boyd!” She takes a hand off the wheel and her eyes off the empty road to smack his arm, punctuating each word with a hit, “You! Are! So! Unhelpful!”

Laughing, Boyd pushes her hands away. “Watch the road!”

She does, just in time to see a line of cop cars fly by them.

“Oh.” Erica is breathless, suddenly.

“Oh.” Boyd agrees.

• • •

Erica and Boyd talk for a long time about what to do next. They both want to help, but Boyd doesn’t agree with her on how to. Boyd thinks that laying low and following orders is the best way to help. Erica thinks that letting Allison, Scott, and Stiles order them around is a bad idea, because they view them as helpless, which means they’ll never come to them for actual help. Only grunt work. 

Boyd points out that they’re not capable of giving them actual help.

Erica points out that they’ll never be if they don’t learn.

In the end, Boyd still doesn’t agree, but Erica is going to do it with or without him, so he’s going to back her up.

• • •

_ Erica: you guys okay? _

_ Allison: laying low _

_ Stiles: scott just got back from checking on danny so we’re all with jackson. _

_ Erica: send us your location. _

_ Stiles: ?????????????????? _

_ Stiles: no? _

_ Allison: definitely no _

_ Scott: no!!!! _

_ Erica: i’ll drive aimlessly through the woods _

_ Boyd: She will. I did a lot of favors this week so I have plenty of gas money. I’ll fill up the tank. _

_ Stiles: … fine. _

_ Allison: NO _

_ Scott: stiles!!!!!!! _

_ Stiles: too late. _

• • •

Allison is upset, but she gets over it. Scott doesn’t. He says that he understands, but he doesn’t agree, and then none of them really talk. Scott and Allison had sat alone on the side for a little while, but even Allison is giving Scott a wide berth now.

Finally, Stiles breaks the silence. “So. What are we gonna do?”

“I don’t know.” It sounds like it hurts Allison to admit it.

“I still vote for killing it.” Stiles says.

“ _ It  _ is Jackson.” Scott says sharply. “We’re not killing Jackson.”

“He tried to kill us!”

“We don’t know that! The only thing we could find online was that it goes after murderers, right? And we aren’t murderers. And we’re not dead.”

“What are you saying, Scott?”

“Remember when we were at Isaac’s, Allison?” Scott turns to her now, eyes wide and desperate.

“Wait, you were at Isaac’s?” Erica interrupts. 

“There’s a freezer in Isaac’s basement. Scott locked himself into it.” Allison briefs, then opens her mouth like she’s going to go back to Scott’s question, but Erica isn’t done.

“How do you guys know about that?”

No one says anything for a moment.

“Isaac’s father used to lock him in it.” Scott says quietly. “We found out while we were doing recon.”

Erica’s ears are pounding. All she can think about is that basement. All she can think about is how Jackson lives next door to Isaac. About how the statement Jackson had given, about Isaac’s father beating the shit out of him and the fight they’d had the night he died, had implicated Isaac in the crime. Had made Isaac a fugitive. A criminal. How kids at school are still not over it. How kids at school will never get over it, will never forget how Isaac is the kid whose dad kicked his ass and then was found dead mysteriously, and no one will question his guilt, even though he’s been absolved. It’s too late. Isaac is violent now. Everyone will believe Isaac is a murderer. Always. And Isaac might become one. Because he was made a criminal when he was just a victim.

Erica wants to  _ kill  _ Jackson.

While Allison, Scott, and Stiles discuss the merits of helping Jackson, and Stiles points out that it’s Jackson’s own fault that he has no one to help him, Erica grabs Boyd’s sleeve and leans up to whisper in his ear.

“Cover for me.” She says.

• • •

“What do you want?” Jackson sneers as she closes the van door behind her.

There’s no way they don’t hear that. In fact, Erica just hears Scott calling her name before the door shuts and Boyd moves in front of it.

“Just give her a second,” Boyd says. Erica tunes the rest of it out.

“You’re an asshole.”

“Thanks for the feedback. If I ever need a loser’s advice, I’ll come to you-”

“I’m not done.”

“Neither am I. You know, Erica,” Jackson leans forward, smirking, rage unmistakable in his eyes, “you’re so pathetic. You think they’re your friends?  _ Please.  _ Like anyone would want to be friends with you. They just feel bad for you.”

Oh.

_ Oh. _

Erica realizes what’s happening.

She grins and meets him in the middle, elbows on her knees, right in his face. He doesn’t move back, though he is startled.

“So you heard everything, huh? You heard what they think about you. How they feel bad for  _ you.  _ Okay. Project another time. I came in here to do something.”

“I don’t  _ care -” _

“I don’t care if you care! I’m talking! Listen. Or I will throw you under the bus. You know how you told the police about Isaac? I’ll tell the Argents about you. I’ll find Derek and tell him where you are. I know a lot, Jackson, and I’m not Scott, and I’m not Allison, and I’m not Stiles. Scott wants to save you. Allison wants what Scott wants. And Stiles bluffs. Do you think I’m bluffing, Jackson?”

Jackson’s jaw is set in his anger. He says nothing. Erica smiles and leans back.

“Good. Because here’s the thing; I’m happy to let Scott save you. I want him to. Enough people have gotten hurt. Helping you helps everyone, so I’m going to help you. Here’s my advice to you:  _ stop  _ being so fucking  _ miserable.  _ I don’t care why you’re miserable. Everyone has had shitty things happen to them, okay? You’re not the only person in the world. Find a way to live with it and move  _ on.  _ The only reason you get away with it is because you’re rich and good at lacrosse. Maybe you’ll be successful in life, but you’ll never, ever be happy and no one will ever love you. They’ll try to. You just won’t let them, the same way you don’t let Lydia now. She won’t stick around forever. You treat her like  _ shit _ . She’s gonna get tired of it eventually. And eventually Danny won’t be able to ignore how you treat other people, because eventually you’ll be treating him the same way, too, and then you’ll really have no one. 

"You might think you’re lonely now, but I’ve been alone for years. Feeling lonely and being alone are two very different things. Being both is miserable. Trust me. You won’t be able to survive it. You’ll lose yourself to whatever you’re becoming. And then someone will have to put you down for real, because you won’t be a human anymore. Just the monster you always have been.”

Erica waits. Jackson says nothing. Everyone outside is silent. 

She moves to leave, then thinks again. She sits back down.

“For what it’s worth, I am sorry that this is happening to you. It sucks to have something happening to your body that you can’t control. I’m not happy that you’re suffering. Let’s be clear, though: you’re alive by my grace. Scott’s, too, and Allison’s, too, and Stiles’s, too, and even Boyd’s. But I have no investment in either side and I'm not that good of a person. I don’t have any reason to care what happens to you. So if you’re in control of yourself, and you do anything to hurt anyone I care about, which includes Scott, Allison, Stiles, Boyd, and Isaac, I won’t be so kind anymore. I will find a way to hurt you.”

• • •

Everything happens very fast. Scott and Allison are yelling at Erica for being reckless and cruel, while Boyd stands next to Erica, arms crossed, silent but clearly on her side, and  _ Stiles  _ of all people comes to her defense, and then - 

Then Jackson breaks out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what's UP i wrote the last chapter and this chapter instead of doing my final papers  
> sorry for the whole overindulgent Everyone Is Queer thing except i'm not that sorry tbh


	8. Chapter 8

_ Allison: the kanima seeks a master!!! THE KANIMA SEEKS A MASTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _

• • •

_ Allison: if jackson doesnt know what hes doing he probably doesnt know anyone is controlling him _

_ Stiles: so like what happened to lydia when she disappeared from the hospital?? _

_ Allison: a fugue state _

_ Scott: he would have to forget everything _

_ Scott: the murder the cleanup getting back home _

_ Scott: the person controlling him probably is the same person who got rid of the video he took of himself overnight _

_ Scott: no one’s protecting him. it’s the opposite _

_ Allison: are we sure jackson really doesn’t know what he was doing _

_ Stiles: 1. we all heard erica ROAST jackson. if he could control it, he would’ve paralyzed her SO fast. _

_ Allison: true _

_ Stiles: 2. he still thinks he’s becoming a werewolf, but that lydia gave him her immunity cooties, so it’s delayed. _

_ Allison: so we should talk to him _

_ Scott: if it helps us find out who’s controlling him _

_ Allison: but will he ever talk to us again _

_ Stiles: yeah. we’ll tell him that erica will blow up his spot if he doesn’t. _

• • •

Erica hasn’t spoken directly to Scott, Stiles, or Allison since Jackson escaped, but they haven’t kicked her out of the group chat, so she figures they can’t be too mad. She hasn’t really spoken to Boyd either, but that’s because Boyd’s kind of like a cat. He responds to every fifth text.

She hasn’t spoken to Isaac, either, but she’s working on that.

• • •

_ Stiles: so you know how we were gonna tell our parents? _

_ Stiles: yeah, that can’t happen. _

_ Scott: jackson got a restraining order against me and stiles _

_ Scott: my mom grounded me from stiles  _

_ Allison: she what _

_ Scott: i’m not supposed to talk to stiles _

_ Allison: oh _

_ Allison: good start _

_ Scott: :))) _

_ Stiles: erica, beat jackson up. _

_ Erica: drop his location. i just wanna talk. _

_ Allison: i think you’ve probably done enough talking _

_ Erica: fair. _

• • •

Isaac finds her before she finds him.

Isaac shows up at her front door.

Isaac tells her mother that they’re doing a project together, smiling with all of his teeth at Erica, who had started coming down the stairs but frozen upon seeing him.

• • •

“Nice room,” Isaac says casually as he sits on the edge of her bed, still grinning.

Erica grabs her desk chair and pulls it up so she’s sitting a foot or so away from him, decidedly unamused. “How do you know where I live, Isaac?”

He snorts, gesturing at her vaguely. “What is this, an interrogation?”

“It could be. Or you could just act like a person and talk to me.”

“Not a person anymore, remember?” His eyes flash yellow as he laughs.

“How do you know where I live?” She repeats.

Isaac shrugs. “We know where Scott lives. You live next door. I tried the house on Scott’s other side before I tried yours. It wasn’t that difficult of a process.”

Erica nods, digesting that. “Okay. But why do it at all?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Isaac asks, bracing his elbows on his knees, leaning forward. She inches her chair back. He grins. “I have a thing for you, Erica.”

That sets her a little off balance. She blinks, needing a moment to recover. 

He notices, laughing again. “Oh, come on, it’s not like I’m subtle.”

“No. You aren’t.” Erica agrees. “I don’t think you really like me.”

“Yeah?” He leans closer. “Why’s that?”

“Well, I don’t think that Derek would order you to. And you’re his bitch, right?” She asks, faux-sincerity in her words and on her face. “So if you’re here, it’s for him. Not for me.”

Isaac’s eyes flash again, but she doesn’t think it’s on purpose this time. Through gritted teeth, he says, “It could be both.”

“No.” Erica crosses her arms, trying to make her double meaning clear. “It can’t be.”

• • •

_ Erica: isaac came to my house. _

_ Scott: WHAT???  _

_ Boyd: ? _

_ Scott: i’ll be right there _

_ Allison: are you okay???? _

_ Stiles: oooooooof _

_ Erica: yeah, i’m fine. he’s long gone. _

_ Scott: i’m still coming _

• • •

Scott comes in through her window again. It’s weird, how Isaac went in through the front door and made himself comfortable on her bed versus how Scott uses the window and sits on her floor.

She doesn’t know why she’s comparing him to Isaac.

(Yes, she does. Isaac likes her. She likes Scott. She’s looking for hints, as though Isaac’s behavior is at all representative of how a normal person acts when they like someone.)

“Are you okay?” Scott is frantic, eyes blown, hands on her shoulders before she even processes he’s coming that close to her. “Is your mom okay? How does he know where you live? _Are you_ _okay?”_

“I’m fine.” It’s the only answer Erica has when he’s that close to her. “Mom’s fine.”

“How did he get your address?”

“Uh.” She clears her throat. “I don’t… want to tell you.”

Scott’s eyes light up with understanding. He takes a step back, hands falling off her shoulders.  “Oh.  _ Oh. _ ”

“No!” She says, grabbing his hands back and being immediately embarrassed that she’s touching him. She drops them like they burn. “No, it’s not -- me and Isaac aren’t -- I didn’t invite him over or give him my address, ever.”

“Erica, it’s okay.” Scott is trying to smile. “It’s your business.”

“Yeah, it is, so why would I lie?”

“How else would he --  _ oh _ .” Scott is backing away again. “They know where I live, so they…”

“Yeah, but Scott, it isn’t --“

“I gotta… I should go. I’m grounded. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Wait! Scott! It isn’t --”

He vaults out the window. She’s talking to no one. She’s been talking to no one since he found a way to blame himself.

“-- your fault.”

• • •

_ Allison: everyone _

_ Allison: meet me in the library tomorrow _

• • •

After Chem, Allison had taken Erica’s hand and dragged her off to the library, telling Lydia she would meet up with her later. Erica hadn’t been thrilled about being pulled around like that, but seeing Lydia’s face made up for it.

Now, they stood on one side of a bookshelf, Scott, Stiles, and Boyd on the other. Casually, Allison passes a tablet through, showing translated text from the bestiary.

“So Jackson’s a freak of nature,” Stiles comments. “Always knew it.”

“Stiles.” Scott rolls his eyes, swatting his friend’s shoulder as he tries to read.

“So there’s something in Jackson’s past, then, that’s keeping him from becoming a werewolf,” Boyd points out.

“Talk any louder,” Erica teases. 

Stiles narrows his eyes at her. Scott laughs as Boyd rolls his eyes and passes the tablet back through the shelf. Erica takes it before Allison can, taking the moment to reread the information.

Wolves have a pack. Kanimas have masters. The master uses it to get revenge, like the South American priest who used it get rid of all of the murderers in his village. The bond got too strong, the will of the master became the will of the kanima, and, yes, the reason for this mutation is because of a past trauma.

God. How fucking  _ boring. _

That’s harsh, but Erica can’t stand how sorry Jackson must feel for himself. Shitty things happen to people all the time. Jackson  _ makes  _ shitty things happen to people all the time! And all of this is because he can’t just act like a person and cope with his trauma and move on. He’s such an asshole.

“Maybe it has something to do with his parents?” Scott offers.

Okay. Now Erica feels a little bit like an asshole. She’d forgotten about the whole dead parents thing. Still, though.

“I’ll try to talk to him about it,” Allison says, smiling at Scott. Scott grins back.

“Great! I’ll talk to Lydia,” Stiles declares. 

Erica would rather die than talk to her dad, but Erica would also rather die than help Jackson Whittemore, and here she is. Helping him.

“My dad was the insurance examiner assigned to the car accident that Jackson’s parents died in,” Erica admits, forcing herself not to look away when all their eyes suddenly turn on her. “I can try to talk to him about it.”

“Erica, that’d be great!” Allison whispers enthusiastically, just as Scott’s asking if she’s sure she wants to do that. Allison looks at him, confused, but Scott is only looking at Erica.

(She likes that he’s only looking at her, regardless of the circumstances. She would do whatever he wanted, as long as she could have him only looking at her. God. God. God. Fuck. She is  _ so  _ far gone.)

“Yeah, I’m sure. It’s not a big deal.” Erica lies.

Scott, of course, knows she’s lying, and not just because he’s a werewolf. Scott and Erica grew apart, but they were really close for a while, because their dads had left at around the same time and their moms had gotten close. Eventually, Scott would spend most of his time at Stiles’ house whenever his mom got too busy, it used to be Erica’s. Erica’s mom tried to be around whenever Melissa needed a sitter, and in turn, Melissa tried to be around whenever Erica’s mom did.

They were kids, so they didn’t know that much about their dads, but Scott knew that her dad left for similar reasons to his. He knew that her reaching out to him would be a very big deal. She just hoped he would move on from it.

• • •

_ Scott: hey. are you sure you’re okay with this??? _

• • •

Yeah. Of course he wouldn’t move on from it.

• • •

_ Erica: i’m a big girl, scott. i’ll be fine. _

_ Scott: i know you will be _

_ Scott: but that’s not what i asked _

• • •

Well, fuck.

• • •

_ Erica: i don’t really want to talk about this. it sucks, but it’s necessary and i’ll be fine. _

_ Scott: do you want me to come with you _

_ Erica: you’re grounded.  _

_ Scott: that doesn’t answer my question _

_ Erica: i’m just gonna call him. it’s okay. _

• • •

Stiles and Erica had run into each other, so they’d been walking together and catching up on what they knew, which was not very much. Mostly, Stiles had been telling her how little he’d gotten out of Lydia. And how Isaac had thrown him into a wall, demanding to know why he’d been asking about Jackson.

“He doesn’t know that Jackson’s… you know,” Erica says, even though she knows he has to, but maybe she can just stay in denial.

“He does,” Stiles says ruefully. 

Cool. Denial over. Great two seconds of peace.

“You know, this is a little weird,” Stiles starts to say, “because I’ve never really thought about Isaac like that -- or at all -- but like, I think I like being thrown around. It was kinda hot.”

Okay, cool, so she’ll never know peace again.

“Shut the fuck _up,_ ” She demands with a surprised laugh, shoving him harmlessly, the movement somehow perfectly in sync with Scott being flung through the locker room door. 

Erica has already taken two steps toward him when Stiles grabs her arm to stop her and Jackson launches himself on top of Scott. Allison comes out next, and when Scott flips on top, she and Stiles grab him off… which does nothing to stop Jackson from coming after him again.

Erica swallows and moves herself in front of the three of them, pushing Jackson hard in the chest as she shouts, “Back the fuck off!” 

He doesn’t budge, but he does laugh a little. Great.

“Erica!” Scott shouts. She hears Allison and Stiles grunting, probably straining against him.

“Hold him!” Allison demands, rushing forward to slam Jackson into the wall.

“Wh --” Is all Stiles manages to get out before Scott tears free. “Hey!”

Erica turns around, trying to stop him, but he’s too fast. It’s all happening too fast. She turns around to try to yank him off of Jackson, who is still being restrained by Allison, when Isaac suddenly appears, ripping Scott away. They continue to struggle as Boyd runs up, panting, clearly chasing after Isaac, which  _ what  _ \--

And then Harris shows up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one literally just takes place during the first half of restraint adding extra scenes is hard  
> also!!! happy new year!!!!!!!!!!!


	9. Chapter 9

Erica has been having a pretty weird day. She’s gotten detention for the first time ever in her high school career. Her mom doesn’t know anything about the supernatural, so she blames it on Isaac’s influence, which is a pretty close guess, all things considered. She’s worried that she’s going to have to get Erica back into therapy, which is the last thing she wants.

(Elementary school and middle school were violent times -- she didn’t give up on solving her problems with her fists until she got to high school and everything had stayed exactly the same as it had always been. She learned, instead, to be quiet about her problems. No, she doesn’t miss her dad. No, kids at school aren’t being too mean. No, she’s not upset about the viral video anymore. No, she isn’t lonely. No, she doesn’t need to go back to therapy _again._ She is doing _fine._ )

She doesn’t have the capacity to deal with any more abnormalities, is the point, so, of course, she comes across Lydia talking to herself in the hallway. Or, well, _no_ , she’s talking to someone _else_ , except there’s no one there.

Erica hesitates before carrying on her way.

• • •

Scott, Stiles, Allison, Boyd, Isaac, Jackson, and Matt are all waiting outside of the library when Erica arrives for detention. Jackson avoids eye contact with all of them, but everyone else acknowledges her arrival, which is… new. Even Matt gives her a polite little smile.

(Matt skeeves her out a little, but it’s still nice.)

Harris lets them into the library and Allison follows Jackson, Matt, and Boyd, while Erica sits with Scott and Stiles. A few seconds later, Isaac sits down next to Erica, casually splaying out his long legs and smirking at them all. Less than a few seconds later, Jackson reminds them all of his restraining order against Scott and Stiles, so Harris moves them a table over, as though that makes a difference.

“I’m gonna kill him,” Scott says quietly, but Erica is listening hard enough to make it out.

“Yeah, which one?” Stiles snorts, his eyes darting to find Isaac, but then he notices Erica watching. He must say something to Scott, because now she can’t hear either of them.

• • •

Luckily, Jackson leaves to get some water because of a headache, and Harris follows, allowing Erica to hurry over to Scott and Stiles’s table. She knows Isaac is going to follow her, so she sits next to Stiles even though she’d rather sit next to Scott, figuring Stiles could use some distance after being physically thrown into a wall by Isaac.

Isaac sits next to Scott. Stiles casually drapes an arm over the back of Erica’s chair.

(Both of them are providing physical buffers for each other -- are they protecting each other? Is this how it feels to be on the same team? Or are they just both on Scott’s team? And does it really matter if that’s all this is? It’s still _nice._ It’s still a team.)

“What were you doing with Boyd?” Erica asks without pretense, not caring to seem hospitable. There isn’t enough time. Harris could be back any second and separate them.

“Why?” Isaac grins, leaning forward. “Are you jealous?”

“Oh, you know, you’re shameless,” Stiles gripes. “Look, we all get it. You got a supernatural makeover. You’re really hot, congrats, we’re all so proud of you. Is the hair product getting into your brain?”

Of course, all Isaac retains of that is, “You think I’m hot?”

“Isaac!” Erica snaps her fingers in front of his face, drawing his attention back. “What were you doing with Boyd? Is Derek still after him?”

Isaac’s smirk falters for just a second. Finally, he says, “I’m not gonna talk with them here.”

“ _What?_ ” Stiles demands.

“That’s not happening,” Scott denies.

“Oh? You guys gonna fill me in on how you were talking about Jackson and Matt? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Besides, I don’t like either of you. I like _her,_ ” Isaac says with a nod toward Erica, “and I’m only gonna talk to her.”

“What about Matt and Jackson?” Erica asks, confused.

“I’ll catch you up on all of that when they leave,” Isaac promises with a grin.

“We’ll catch you up when _he_ leaves,” Stiles counters.

“You don’t have to talk to him, Erica,” Scott reminds her.

“I know.” Erica nods, then looks up at Isaac, holding his eye contact as a challenge. “It’s okay. I’ll be fine.”

“Erica --” Scott starts as Stiles flings his hands into the air.

“You don’t _trust_ him.” Stiles reminds, though it sounds more like a demand.

“No, I don’t,” She agrees. “But he’s not going to hurt me. And you guys aren’t going to let him hurt me, right? So it’ll be fine.”

• • •

It takes a little more convincing for Scott and Stiles to leave, but they eventually do. Stiles stays in eyesight, and Boyd has joined him, but she isn’t sure where Scott is.

“Derek isn’t still after Boyd,” Isaac says a little too loudly, trying to get her attention back. He quiets down once she’s looking at him again. “I’ve been keeping tabs and giving him updates. He isn’t stupid. After that night at Scott’s, Derek knows that he has his own pack, and he knows that you’re in it now because you were there, and he knows that Boyd’s in it because I told him.”

“Why are you still with him?”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m not your problem.” Isaac is grinning again, but there’s something different between his eyes. He’s not having fun; he isn’t teasing her. He looks _tired,_ suddenly.

“You can’t really want Jackson to die,” Erica continues, trying to say something that’ll make him feel anything. “I know he’s an asshole. Seriously, gigantic douchebag, but you aren’t a murderer, Isaac. You didn’t kill your dad. You shouldn’t help kill Jackson.”

“I wish I killed my dad.” Isaac flashes her a smile with fang.

“You don’t mean that.”

“Oh, come on, Erica, admit it. If you were in my position, you’d be hurting anyone who had ever hurt you, too. And I’m gonna _hurt_ Jackson. I’m just sorry that he’s the one who got to kill my dad.”

“Scott isn’t going to let you --”

“Are you wondering where Scott is, by the way?” Isaac is leaning forward again, but his grin is much more hollow than it had been earlier.

“Not reall --”

“He’s in the stacks. _With_ Allison.”

“I don’t care.”

“Sure.” Isaac nods.

“Why are you being such an asshole?”

“I’m Derek’s bitch, remember? Do you think he’d want me to play nice with a member of Scott’s pack?”

“That’s all I am now?”

“Looks like it.”

• • •

“Good. That’s good, isn’t it?” Stiles asks.

(The rejection stings long after Isaac leaves, even if she hadn’t really wanted Isaac’s affections in the first place. He’s just the first person to show any interest in her. She wants someone to be interested in her.)

“Yeah,” Erica says unconvincingly. “It’s great.”

• • •

Detention wears on, slowly.

Scott is called to the principal’s office.

Harris leaves, but they can’t until they shelve all of the books.

As Erica pushes a book in, Allison sidles up with a smile, a few books held against her chest. “Hi, Erica.”

(She’s trying very hard to look at Allison and see _Allison_ , instead of the physical manifestation of every desire she could never have. Allison and her smooth skin and her cut jaw and her bright smile and all of the reasons for those smiles. Allison and Lydia’s friendship, Allison and Scott’s affections, Allison and Jackson’s acceptance. The Venn Diagram of everything Erica has ever wanted and everything Allison has is a circle. It would be so easy to hate her.

(But Allison is her friend.)

“Hi, Allison.”

• • •

Time passes slowly and comes to a stop altogether when Scott comes back. Erica beats life back into the flow of time with her bare hands.

Allison is her _friend._ She can’t think of her friend’s boyfriend like that.

Besides, there are more important things to think about. They have a kanima to stop

  * • •



“It means Jackson was born by C-section,” Erica says a little too casually, strained and uncomfortable.

“They had to pull him out of her dead body,” Stiles adds in the same voice, just as begrudgingly as her

The air is heavy for a moment as they all contemplate death. Scott swallows audibly. Boyd catches Erica’s eye and lifts his eyebrows, to which she gives a little nod.

“We don’t know if it was an accident or not,” Boyd continues. “A lot of things in the report were inconclusive.”

“So we just don’t know...” Allison says heavily.

“So his parents could have been murdered?” Scott asks.

“If they were, it makes sense with the kanima myth,” Stiles reports.

(Erica has always wanted to be a part of something, but she is so uncomfortable, suddenly, so overburdened, suffocating under the weight of everything. It’s not just a monster anymore. It’s not just keeping Jackson alive anymore. It’s not just being on the sidelines anymore.)

“We have to talk to him. We have to tell him.” Scott is leaving the stacks before anyone could stop him, Allison’s half-finished warning irrelevant.

• • •

Time had been sludging by almost intolerably slowly, but then everything starts to happen all at once, the library descending into chaos as a semi-transformed Jackson jumps from shelf to shelf, pieces of ceiling crumbling to the floor, lights hanging and flickering --

Lights flickering --

Time is molasses again --

Stiles protecting Allison from debris, Boyd pulling Erica down, Allison grabbing Erica’s arm and tugging her close, Boyd right behind her --

Lights flickering --

The sound of Scott crashing into a cart --

Lights flickering --

The feel of Scott crouching up against them, arm extended --

Lights flickering --

The audible scratch of Jackson writing a warning on the chalkboard --

Lights flickering --

Erica couldn’t close her eyes fast enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLOOOOOO. SORRY FOR THE DELAY!  
> last semester by procrastination method of choice was working on this fic......... my attention span has decreased. i jsut fuck around on my phone now. i redownloaded tinder just to swipe. it's bad y'all  
> so this one! is a little short! it's just the detention part of restraint bc.................... a lot........... happens  
> i should be AT LEAST wrapping up restraint in the next chapter, but hopefully i'll get to raving too! obviously erica will not be able to... rly be in a rave tho...... so we'll see how i work that out !


	10. bonus chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what's UP here's a filler isaac-centric chapter 'cause like. let's have fun !  
> it's not fun though do not be fooled  
> content warning: mentions of past abuse ? crushing loneliness? not super cool current living situations? it's 3 am so i'm not super sure how to warn but it's basically just a little under 1k of isaac thinking about his dad and derek and losing his kind-of-sort-of friends ! so. lots of self deprecation

Meeting Derek Hale had felt like... the start of something. Isaac should’ve known it was too good to be true, that the rug would always be pulled out from underneath him, that he’s lucky enough to not be rolled up in it and buried in someone’s backyard. He has just enough luck to keep him alive and it could probably be debated if that’s good or bad.

Meeting Derek Hale hadn’t been the start of anything good, if that isn’t clear.

• • •

It’s some sick fucking cosmic joke, it really is, because Isaac is used to losing things, he is, but his own fucking  _ humanity --  _ that’s something he’d always kind of thought he’d have a handle on, because, you know, what were the other options? What a fucking laugh, huh?

Then -- then -- he’d never even really, you know, had Erica and Boyd, really, but they’d always been there, and they were supposed to -- 

The more this goes on, the more relieved he is that Erica and Boyd aren’t going through it. He really is. This is fucking  _ shitty _ . He’s relieved the same way he’s relieved that his mom and brother didn’t stay alive long enough to see what his dad became; relieved that they didn’t have to suffer, miserable that he’s suffering alone.

He’d just be happier if he hadn’t been suffering, too, is all.

It’s kind of nice, at first, seeing Erica get slowly taken under the new girl’s wing, seeing Boyd go from sitting alone at lunch to sitting with Scott and Stiles, and it’s -- if knowing that sounds weird, it’s only because he’s the only one left keeping track.

• • •

Derek is angry, biting his tongue but visibly angry, and Isaac is so quiet but so fucking wired, ready to make a run for it if he has to, ready to scramble out of the corner he’s in and just fucking take off and --

And go where? Where the fuck would he go? There’s nowhere else.

• • •

Derek has pancakes in the morning. He doesn’t apologize, but Isaac doesn’t think he could stomach it if he did anyway, so it’s better this way.

He eats like he’s starving. It’s a bad habit his dad hated, but one that maybe wouldn’t have existed if his dad didn’t sometimes make him go without dinner, so, you know, whatever. Asshole’s dead anyway, so it’s not like it matters what he liked or didn’t.

Derek gives him seconds and thirds and fourths. Gives him orange juice, too.

• • •

Erica keeps  _ looking  _ at him with these fucking  _ eyes,  _ with this -- this pity, almost, that he could mistake for something less fucking pathetic if he’d been just a little stupider, but that’s his curse -- well, the whole werewolf thing is his  _ main  _ curse now, but his other, more minor curse is being just smart enough to be self aware and just stupid enough for it not to matter.

Allison and Scott always distract Erica when they catch her looking, neither of them bothering to make eye contact. It’s better than Stiles, who glares, and Boyd, who does this little half-nod like he’s ashamed to be in any sort of contact with Isaac anymore.

• • •

He’s glad that Erica and Boyd had been spared. He’s not glad to be alone. That has to be okay, right? That doesn’t make him a shitty person. Who the fuck wants to be alone?

• • •

He can’t even fucking  _ go  _ near Erica anymore. At first, it’d been kind of cool, you know, because, like, he’s kind of hot now, right? He is. Objectively. And, well, it’s -- Erica’s always --

He likes Erica, in a kind of pathetic way. Isaac and Boyd had always been very tucked into themselves, but Erica had tried to be  _ something,  _ let  _ something  _ show, and it’s --

He’d always kind of liked what he’d seen, is all. That’s all. No big deal.

He had to talk to someone anyway, for Derek, and it would have been kind of cool if that had slotted into place or something, and it, you know, it makes sense that it didn’t. Why would it? Nothing ever did.

But it’s just too fucking pathetic now.

• • •

Boyd still sneaks around to see him, and it’s the  _ sneaking  _ that makes Isaac wanna puke, makes him feel like his skin’s on wrong, makes him wonder if his werewolf healing would make it okay to tear off --

But it fades because Boyd is steady. Erica has always electrified him a little bit, but Boyd -- Boyd’s calm. It’s what he imagines listening to ocean sounds or white noise or whatever makes normal people feel. That kind of shit just makes him even fucking angrier.

Boyd doesn’t make him angry.

• • •

Erica is right, when she says he wouldn’t hurt her, because he  _ wouldn’t _ , because he doesn’t wanna hurt anyone, really, but he probably could if he had to, you know, fuck, he’d been pretty down to kill Lydia, but -- not Erica and Boyd. Ever.

But he can’t save her, because he can’t save anyone, because all he can do is not hurt, but isn’t not saving the same thing as hurting? Isn’t it just as fucking bad, in the long run?

Jackson brings the ceiling down in the library and Isaac curls in a ball while everyone else saves everyone else.

Yeah. That’s just about right.


End file.
